I logged into my account so it's not being deleted clearly I have ruminating thoughts going thru my head 24/7 Will I ever be good enough? Will I make them upset? Do they talk bad Abt me to their other friends? Am I bringing the team down? Am I a shooting guard? I came to accept that I'll never be good enough for their standards, they are all goddesses at the sport and I'm not. Please please please do NOT try to say I am because you have no idea. I keep turning the ball over, people say I look timid on the court, I keep airballing shots, but the only damn reason I made the team was because of my shooting ability. Oh my god. I'm so stressed. Whenever I replay the moments I freeze up, I want to cry, because I know I messed up. School is hell and I have so many tests. I need to physically make it until next week but idek how. I'm failing the math test and the term just freaking started. Thursday I have so much going on and I have practice which I literally dread going. I think that if you had to interact with those girls, you would commit. I'm not joking. You would. I just wanna cry. Those girls have turned my life upside down. I'm not as happy anymore. I wanna be really happy, i really really want to be normal, but I can't. I'm always being compared to my twin who conveniently got the good genes (we don't look alike) She is getting called pretty 24/7, has good style, and is popular. Everybody sees me as the ugly twin, and they aren't afraid to tell me. Today my (not really a friend but an association) told me that I could never pull, and that elementary didn't count. Just because she pulled one ugly ash girl doesn't mean she all that. I don't know what to do. I'm sad, conflicted, uncomfortable, unconfident, ugly, and a failure. I didn't say that, other people did.
