This isnt as good as I hoped it would turn out, but it turned out actually pretty decent. I fixed the pipe issue somewhat, and now if you fall to the ground you die.
I need to thank vinhod13 for this, like, desperately. This was actually really fun to engineer and play around with, and feeling myself help make an acctualy game instead of just an animation really makes me feel good. So, thank you, vinhod13. May you get many more followers in the future!
