it's not fair. not fair. not fair not fair not fair not fair not fair! why is it like this?! i can't go anywhere without being reminded of what i did in my past! it won't go away! it's like it's constantly repeating in my mind and i can't get it to stop! i've been a horrible person to some people and i don't know if they'll ever forgive me and i don't blame them. i want to show them i've changed but even i don't know if i've changed or if i'll ever change. i'll probably always be the stupid pushover i always am. is there even a point anymore....? and the thing is.. i'm not who you think i am. i'm not some new scratcher who's friend suggested this website to them. i've been here before. am i hiding from my wrongs? yes. is it wrong? probably. but i just wanted to restart.. i'm probably already making the same mistakes i made on there. i've been horrible to people and i've said things i didn't mean. i don't know what to do at this point. some people have given me another chance, but i feel like im already screwing that chance up and i have a feeling this is the last chance i'll get. why can't i be a normal person? a normal friend? why can't i get treated the same as everyone else? why am i the one being seen as the burden when i'm over here having people dump their problems on top of my own and not being able to find the time to deal with my own problems. people only noticed my emotions when my sadness turned to anger and i became the bad guy. this world hasn't done me any favors and at this point, i don't expect it to. anything good that might happen in the future will just go away before i can even register the good in it. that's just how the universe treats me. and i honestly am done with my bad luck.
