[not an autobiography of me or anyone real, its a character] trigger warning: non-descriptive death, bad thoughts about their life and life in general, uhm war, idk blackmail? --- dear symphony, lingering echoes, the sky's tears let me confess, to what extent, i do not know. but fear me not and embrace the snow get lost in the storm white, pure, and unknown live in a life of lies live a lie (that only grows, grows, grows) feign ignorance feign belonging feign what they want and what you aren't feign, till it becomes true. but forget me (forget our promise), and i'll have you know, how hard life can be, and how little you truly truly know. --- dear dove, someone, anyone who will listen, what did i expect? lost, conflicted lovesick, but not stupid. (so how did i come to this?) desperation does that though, warps, changes, forces the worst out of you. maybe love had a part in that too, frenzied love bordered on desperation i loved you i loved you i loved you -- but you pushed me off the moment i gave myself to you to this day i still can't understand what is it that you see in him? but still i love you i love you i love you (and sometimes a little too much) i loved you too much to hate you (to hate him) i loved you too much to love you i loved you too much to not show it (show it) (maybe i just should of hid it, suffocated in my own woes but never, never dragged you under) our fates were connected (from the moment i laid eyes on you) but you were always too far and i was always too near our fates were simply not meant to be (to be, to be) our fates were simply fated for disaster (what else could i do but wait for it? hope the end is painless, but at least it'll save me from heartache hopefully, hopefully) the sky stained red my blood mixed with sweat the mist fading the dust settling (who will be left? not a victor, but a monster) maybe this war was never meant to be won maybe life was never meant to be taken but hearts were just meant to be broken but somehow, it just feels... fitting. (destroyed the very thing i wanted to protect who can i blame but myself? who can i condemn but myself? who can i hate but myself?) --- dear white noise, slight flutter of a moth's wings, a ripple in the ocean of fates i know you hate me i know he hates me too i know i have no right to even think of you but when i close my eyes i can only see you it's not love, you see it's torment because you're condemning me and somehow that hurts more than everything else combined just end me please (again) let me fade i want anything anything but this time is dangerous it sharpens the mind and dulls it all at the same time one step closer to insanity one step farther from everything else it's torture torture everyone has felt and feared you must know but do you care? i deserve it, i know i deserve everything everything and this (because a hero would betray you for the world but only a villain would betray the world for you) not an excuse, really, more of a plea, from a creepy lovesick stalker -- yeah me. because i just wanted to tell you how much you are how much you can change and how much forgiveness can do how much moving on can do (for both you and me) not peace, but compromise. not the end, but a new beginning. not forgetting, but forgiveness. it's all i ask, and the last words i'll utter. --- dear nobody, nobody but myself, pitiful, world-weary, love-sick (though i would forget you, huh?) me thank you (for everything really). although i'll never send this, never speak to you again because that's a promise (although i'm a coward i'm not a liar) and a promise well made. i'm already fading. but it's not the fading i revel in but the peace the tranquility moving on, as the therapists say. i'll miss you, truly. i still love you, truly. how is it one glance can change so much? hah. i'm so sentimental now, and i hate it. i'm a villain, so why can't i even get that right? be the villain everybody wanted, be the villain everyone needed, be the villain when everybody was so perfect, so... sickly /heroic/. i thought this would be short. but i guess last words never last, do they? i might write an autobiography sometime. i could write it with all this empathetic heap of fox-dung (people love that sick stuff, don't they?) but all the time in the world is never enough never enough to describe how i loved you how i hurt you and how much i still do. so i won't. that i've decided. let history do the work for me. 'lazy' another negative adjective to add to my list wonderful. see ya' losers, wherever the bad guys go
