Kris: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat* Susie: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents Kris: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you Ralsei: Actually I did the math, Susie would have $225, not $0.15. Susie: Fam I’m right here.... Noelle: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :) Kris: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please? Noelle: Sorry I only have a dollar Kris: :( Ralsei: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Susie would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent Noelle: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice Ralsei: You can buy anything you want with $22,500 Berdly: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice Ralsei: Apply juice to what Lancer: Directly to the forehead Susie: Great chat everyone --------- *The squad is over at Kris's house* Susie: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven? Kris: ... N-No... Kris, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have??? Susie, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought! Ralsei: I see a- Kris, motioning to one device: This is a microwave. Susie: Oh, well I- Kris: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave* Kris, amazed: Its got a bake setting! Lancer: Ohoho, you learn something new every day! Jevil: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first? Kris: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin! Kris: I am someone who owns four ovens... Kris, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS... Kris: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens... Spamton NEO, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven! Kris: Susie: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens! Kris: Kris, ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS --------- Kris: I CAN'T DO IT! Susie, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER! Kris: I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE Ralsei: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US. Kris: Kris: I appreciate it, Kris: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH- Noelle: Kris- Kris: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE! Berdly: Kris we gotta- Kris: YOU GOTTA DRAW A LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT. Kris: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?' Kris, motioning to Lancer: NOT THIS --------- *Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker* Kris: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know. Everyone: Susie: ...I did. I broke it. Kris: No. No you didn't. Ralsei? Ralsei: Don't look at me. Look at Lancer. Lancer: What?! I didn't break it. Ralsei: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken? Lancer: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken. Ralsei: Suspicious. Lancer: No, it's not! Jevil: If it matters, probably not, but Spamton NEO was the last one to use it. Spamton NEO: Liar! I don't even drink that crap! Jevil: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier? Spamton NEO: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Jevil! Susie: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Kris. Kris: No! Who broke it!? Everyone: Jevil: Kris... Ralsei's been awfully quiet. Ralsei: rEALLY?! *Everyone starts arguing* Kris, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. Kris: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Kris: Kris: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here. --------- Rouxls Kaard: I'm 10 times funnier and hotter than you Mettaton EX: 10 times 0 is still 0 though Rouxls Kaard: Jokes on you, I can't do math --------- Kris: Time for plan G. Susie: Don’t you mean plan B? Kris: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties. Ralsei: What about plan D? Kris: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago. Noelle: What about plan E? Kris: I’m hoping not to use it. Berdly dies in plan E. Lancer: I like plan E. --------- Kris: Who the hell added me to a hell-ing group chat? Susie: >:O language Ralsei: Yeah watch your hell-ing language Lancer: OKAY WHO TAUGHT RALSEI THE HELL WORD? Jevil: 'The hell word'. Spamton NEO: Are you stupid? You guys use the h word all the time Ralsei: Oh my god they censored it Jevil: Say hell, Spamton NEO. Ralsei: Do it, Spamton NEO. Say hell. --------- Rouxls Kaard: Is something burning? Mettaton EX: Just my love for you. Rouxls Kaard: Mettaton, the toaster is on fire. --------- Susie: Rules are made to be broken. Ralsei: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken. Susie: Uh, piñatas. Noelle: Glow sticks. Berdly: Karate boards. Lancer: Spaghetti when you have a small pot. Susie: Rules. Ralsei: ---------
there's the Fun Gang. the Fun Gang with Pocket Demons. and also rouxls and mettaton as requested --------- Rouxls Kaard: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds. Mettaton EX: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!? Rouxls Kaard: No! Four to five seconds! Mettaton EX: Too late!!! --------- Kris: Just be yourself. Susie: 'Be myself'? Kris, I have one day to win Ralsei over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me? Lancer: Couple weeks. Jevil: Six months. Spamton NEO: Jury’s still out. Susie: See, Kris? Susie: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that? --------- Kris, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here. Susie: Hey. Ralsei: Hi. Noelle: Hello. Berdly: Hey! Kris: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only! Lancer: We were out of Doritos. --------- Rouxls Kaard: Okay, truth or dare? Mettaton EX: Truth Rouxls Kaard: How many hours have you slept this week? Mettaton EX: Mettaton EX: ...Dare Rouxls Kaard: Go to bed. Mettaton EX: I don’t like this game. --------- 'Can I copy the homework?' Ralsei: I can help you with it! Kris: Yeah, sure. Susie: Bold of you to assume I did the homework. Berdly: lol nope. Noelle: Wait, we had homework?!?!?! Lancer: *Read 5:55pm* --------- Kris: Croissants: dropped Susie: Road: works ahead Ralsei: BBQ sauce: on my scarf Lancer: Shavacado: fre Jevil: Miss Keisha: Dead dead Spamton NEO: Spamton NEO, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you. --------- Rouxls Kaard: It’s dark in here Mettaton EX: Don’t worry dude I got this Mettaton EX: *Stomps their feet* Mettaton EX: *Skechers light up* --------- *Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’* Kris: Thanks fam! Susie: oh no Ralsei: *cries* I love you too Noelle: Sounds fake but okay Berdly: *A flustered mess* Lancer: can i get a refund --------- *The squad right before Kris's wedding* Susie: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend. Ralsei: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too! Lancer: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well Jevil: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND Spamton NEO, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE --------- Kris: Susie... How do I begin to explain Susie? Ralsei: Susie is flawless. Noelle: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000. Berdly: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan. Lancer: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome. --------- Kris: Dumbest scar stories, go! Susie: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. Ralsei: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it. Lancer: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. Jevil: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn. Spamton NEO: Spamton NEO: I have emotional scars. --------- Rouxls Kaard, pointing: May I sit there? Mettaton EX: That's my lap Rouxls Kaard: That doesn't answer my question, Mettaton. --------- Rouxls Kaard: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much. Mettaton EX: Oh, you’ve been? Rouxls Kaard: Once. In Monopoly. --------- Kris: We need to distract these guys Susie: Leave it to me Susie: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss. Ralsei, Lancer, and Jevil: *Immediately begin arguing* Spamton NEO, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all. --------- Kris: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke. Susie: Okay, but what is updog? Ralsei: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish. Noelle: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released. Berdly: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden. Lancer: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter. Kris: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs. Noelle: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current. Ralsei: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway. Susie: What’s a henway?? Kris: Oh, about five pounds. --------- Rouxls Kaard: What’s up guys? I’m back. Mettaton EX: What the- you can’t be here. You’re dead. I literally saw you die. Rouxls Kaard: Death is a social construct. --------- Rouxls Kaard: Must be hard not being able to laugh Mettaton EX: I do have a sense of humor you know Rouxls Kaard: I’ve never heard you laugh before Mettaton EX: I’ve never heard you say anything funny --------- Rouxls Kaard: Three words. Say them and I'm yours. Mettaton EX: Three words. Rouxls Kaard: --------- Rouxls Kaard: You're right. Mettaton EX: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?
