Junko Enoshima: In my defense, I was left unsupervised. Izuru Kamukura: Wasn't Mukuro with you? Mukuro Ikusaba: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised. Junko Enoshima: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it. Izuru Kamukura: Enoshima no. Mukuro Ikusaba: Mistlefoe. Izuru Kamukura: Please stop encouraging them. *out grocery shopping* Monaca Towa: *takes a free sample twice* Monaca Towa: Robbery and Fraud. I am a Rebel. Tsumugi Shirogane: What's worse than a heartbreak? Junko Enoshima: Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging. Mukuro Ikusaba: Waking up in the morning. Izuru Kamukura: Waking up. Mukuro Ikusaba: Junko won’t wake up, what do I do? Izuru Kamukura: Did you try kicking them? Mukuro Ikusaba: Yes. Izuru Kamukura: I’m out of ideas. Monaca Towa: Anyone d- Izuru Kamukura: Depressed? Junko Enoshima: Drained? Tsumugi Shirogane: Dumb? Mukuro Ikusaba: Disliked? Monaca Towa: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people... Izuru Kamukura: Shirogane, this morning, I called you abhorrent and reprehensible, and I’d like to withdraw that statement- Tsumugi Shirogane: Aww, thanks- Izuru Kamukura: But I can't. Those are the 2 words that best describe you. Junko Enoshima: Next time I'm at the pet store, I'm gonna take a hamster and drop it in the scorpion cage. I wanna see what a hamster's face looks like when it goes, "oh, peck.” Tsumugi Shirogane: So, Monaca is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night. Junko Enoshima: Why? Tsumugi Shirogane: Because I've caught them trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row. Monaca Towa, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your butt. Tsumugi Shirogane: Go to sleep or you'll hate yourself in the morning! Izuru Kamukura: I'll hate my self in the morning regardless. Monaca Towa: I am your king, long may I reign! Izuru Kamukura: Well I didn’t vote for you! Monaca Towa: You don’t vote for kings. Izuru Kamukura: Well how’d you become king then? Monaca Towa: Junko Enoshima of the Lake, their arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Monaca Towa, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king. Izuru Kamukura: Listen. Strange people lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. Monaca Towa: As usual, Monaca Towa has to save the day! Izuru Kamukura: As usual, Izuru Kamukura has to hear about it. Junko Enoshima: I got us matching friendship bracelets, and you say I don't care about our relationship. Izuru Kamukura: These are handcuffs. Junko Enoshima: Yeah, 'cause we're partners in crime! Junko Enoshima: You know what’s funny about Kamukura? They’re my best friend, and anyone who’d hurt them is someone I’d murder, probably. Izuru Kamukura: Silence is golden. Mukuro Ikusaba: Duct tape is silver. Monaca Towa: Those darn tall old people. Junko Enoshima: Darn em' indeed. Izuru Kamukura: Don't worry, they'll be gone soon enough. Tsumugi Shirogane: *sharpening kn1fe* Yes. D3ad. The Squad: Tsumugi Shirogane: Hahaha. Tsumugi Shirogane: ...Is this self-destructive behaviour? Mukuro Ikusaba: Why are you doing this? Tsumugi Shirogane: Same reason I do everything, Mukuro. To get somebody to like me. Monaca Towa: I love you Big Bro Izuru! Izuru Kamukura, not paying attention: What was that? Monaca Towa: I said I’m selling you to the zOo- Junko Enoshima: Yo dumbpeck, get over here. Monaca Towa: Okay- Tsumugi Shirogane: *gleefully runs past* I’m coming! Monaca Towa, sadly: I thought... I was dumbpeck... Tsumugi Shirogane: Okay! Let’s play Kiss Marry Kill! Tsumugi Shirogane: First who would you kill? *Mukuro points at Junko* *Monaca points at Junko* *Izuru points at Junko* Junko Enoshima: *shrugs* I would kill me too. Monaca Towa: I have a 1:30 appointment. Tsumugi Shirogane: Which doctor? Monaca Towa: No, I want the regular doctor. Tsumugi Shirogane: If I had a face like yours, I'd put it on a wall and throw a brick at it. Mukuro Ikusaba: If I had a face like YOURS, I'd put it on a brick and throw a wall at it.
Monaca Towa: My knee just cracked so loudly that I half expect it to glow in the dark tonight. Monaca Towa: You've been given a new job to do, but I'm worried it might make you angry. Izuru Kamukura: Just say it quick, like ripping off a band-aid. Monaca Towa: You have to teach Big Sis Junko how to drive. Izuru Kamukura: ...put the band-aid back on. Monaca Towa: *Holding up a picture of a seemingly young anime girl* WHO IS SHE?! IS SHE TWELVE?! Tsumugi Shirogane: No! She's a thousand years ol- Monaca Towa: *Cocks shotgun* Tsumugi Shirogane: NO! NOOOOOOOOOO-! Monaca Towa: Do you care if I take the skin off this Furby? Monaca Towa: I want to make him a god. Once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin a path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us. Monaca Towa: I also want to softhack his circuits. Izuru Kamukura: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again. Monaca Towa: That’s illegal, right? Junko Enoshima: Why do you care? Are you a pecking cop? Monaca Towa: No- Junko Enoshima: Then shut the peck up. Mukuro Ikusaba: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one. Monaca Towa: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them. Murderer: Any last words? Monaca Towa: Do you think I'm cute? Be honest. Izuru Kamukura: Stop setting things on fire because you're curious about what will happen. What will happen is fire. Junko Enoshima: But what if something else happens just this one time. Junko Enoshima: I won a new phone in a race. Monaca Towa: Huh? What kind of race lets you win a phone, Big Sis Junko? Junko Enoshima: A race between the store owner, the cop, and me. Junko Enoshima: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Kamukura! Izuru Kamukura: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this. Tsumugi Shirogane: What if people had food names and food had people names? Monaca Towa: Hey, Big Sis Spaghetti, we’re having Tsumugi Shirogane for dinner. Izuru Kamukura: What is wrong with you people? Mukuro Ikusaba: Shut up, chocolate. Tsumugi Shirogane: Monaca is a little peck neck. Izuru Kamukura: Why? Tsumugi Shirogane: Number one, they're little. Number two, they're a peck neck. Junko Enoshima: Are you ever going to listen to me? Izuru Kamukura: Yes. Absolutely. Junko Enoshima: When? Izuru Kamukura: When you're right. Junko Enoshima: Monaca can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason. Monaca Towa, wearing a hoodie that's 5 times bigger than their size: Spooky. Junko Enoshima: How many vampires do you think have been hit by a car backing up in a parking lot because the driver couldn’t see their reflection? Izuru Kamukura: I’ve never considered it but you’re really shining light on what’s probably a very serious issue. Junko Enoshima: Gatekeep, girlboss, and what's the other one again? Izuru Kamukura: There isn't another one. You're crazy. Monaca Towa: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt? Mukuro Ikusaba: Mukuro Ikusaba: Why are you eating dirt? Monaca Towa: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question. Monaca Towa: Thanks for opening my message and not responding. Izuru Kamukura: All good Towa, any time. Monaca Towa: Peck you. Tsumugi Shirogane: I'm having problems with a guy... Junko Enoshima: Like his dead body won't fit into your trunk kind of problems, or you like him kind of problems? Junko Enoshima: Hey, are you okay? Izuru Kamukura: Yeah. Junko Enoshima: You don't look okay... Izuru Kamukura: Then stop looking. Mukuro Ikusaba: What do rainbows mean to you? Tsumugi Shirogane: Gay rights. Junko Enoshima: There's money. Monaca Towa: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood. Izuru Kamukura: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops. Junko Enoshima: I have to say, I'm a little embarrassed for you. Mukuro Ikusaba: This is a sports-related injury. It makes me look cool! Junko Enoshima: Tripping over a basketball on your way to the bathroom is not cool! Izuru Kamukura: Yes, I'm adopting Towa and you cowards can't tell me no…. *Junko Enoshima is speaking on the phone* Junko Enoshima: Yeah, I'm with Mukuro. Mukuro Ikusaba: Im pecking dying- Junko Enoshima: Yep, they're okay. Mukuro Ikusaba: I have multiple spears in my chest! Junko Enoshima: No, they can't talk right now. They're sleeping, sorry. Mukuro Ikusaba: IM BLEEDING OUT- Monaca Towa: *watching the squad's shenanigans with concern* Do you feel like this has gotten out of hand? Mukuro Ikusaba: I don't know. Feels normal enough for a group that's on 911's blocked callers list. Kidnapper: I have your sibling. Mukuro Ikusaba: What? I don't have a sibling... Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife peck neck and spit in my face? Mukuro Ikusaba: Oh my god, you have Junko-
