just watch the stars with pola, and read my thoughts in the notes & credits if you want
i don't see myself using this account too much anymore so i'd like to take a moment to gather my thoughts and dump them here. i just wanted to make this project to say that it's been an incredibly strange journey for me. i created this account in middle school and i'm now 18, graduated high school. it's a little strange looking back at this site, seeing how much i and its members have changed. it's funny thinking back on the things i was up to during some of my older projects' creations, what / who they were made for. i remember creating some of them alongside old friends who i haven't seen since those days. it feels pretty bittersweet honestly as for me now, i've channeled my passion for coding into other things, most notably ROBLOX, even tho it's kinda bad lol. i've dabbled in other things and i plan to expand further beyond because the engine is rather limited and unintuitive. i love coding on there though so i'm not sure when that will happen. currently working on a horror game with my partner and it's going alright, but i've just felt super burnt out ever since the project really picked up attention. as his only scripter it's hard to say that working on it doesn't feel like a chore list but i'll get through it the path of self-discovery that i've been on has been extremely rough and bumpy. though i'm not sure when the day will come that i can finally come out of my shell, i feel it may be within the next few years. if you've paid close attention to my bio around 2019-ish you may have noticed i updated it slightly. to put it simply, i realized i was a girl, which was both devastating and exciting in its own ways. on one hand, i wished for nothing but to be an average kid so that i could get by with an average life but obviously that's not in the picture anymore. on the other hand, it helped me re-contextualize my oddities and allow me to come to terms with myself. i feel much freer, much more expressive and happier this way, i just wish people could see it the same way i do, as some just want to take away our happiness because it's not "normal" to them. i'm a little uncertain for the future, honestly. i've been feeling really down for the past few years, mostly because of school, but even after graduating i'm still feeling really crappy lol. mostly scared about starting work and all that, but i know i'm gonna have to get out there if i want to make a living and get out of my mom's house. i just wish i had a lot more time to sort out my issues because i'm afraid it's gonna be too overwhelming for me soon i'm really tired now lol. so, if you've read this far, you're awesome. and don't forget that! you will do something amazing. thanks for taking the time to read all this. maybe an old friend of mine will find this someday, i hope.
