[Turn volume up] This is better with the music SONG: Smokey Eyes - Lincoln STORY: Me :) COMP: Avs ( @xxAvs_iix )
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── TW: Contains things that scratch won't let me write (S3LF H@RM) I wonder if they’ll see the blood when the red light of dawn has stained everything scarlet like a photo filter. I wonder if they’ll see my silhouette against the darkest parts of the sky, still clinging onto shades of grey and black as crimson gains ground, driving the night back and with it the twinkling stars. Mist has settled across the ground, a cool blanket hiding the whitewashed concrete, a veil between two separate planes. Will anyone notice when what stands on the plane above comes crashing down? School starts in ten minutes. Kids in black gakuran cut through the mist like solitary guillotines. I watch as they pass beneath me, not knowing or caring about the boy standing on the higher plane, tilting over, waiting to come crashing down. You are one of them, and I watch as you pass on your lonesome. Did you ever figure out that I loved you before you pushed me away? Is that what scared you? Did you feel bad when you ripped apart my life as you ripped apart that sketchbook and tossed it away? Did you feel bad when you made yourself a god and judged that my life’s work wasn’t worthy anymore? “Hello Smokey Eyes,” I whisper, because that’s what I always call you, and even from here I can see the way you look forward. And maybe you knew. Smokey Eyes, do you love me? Can you make a confession to the early morning air to fix the barrier between our planes. Will you cry when the red stain is washed away and they finally see what came crashing down? I take a step forward, letting my foot dangle over the mist, so so far below me. And as the blackness is driven back behind me, red clouds and red ink swirling up behind me like the blood I can already imagine. This morning is grotesque, enough that maybe I won’t even feel myself hit the ground. I’ll just feel the cool kiss of mist and see your smokey eyes before I see nothing at all. I’ll remember that time last month, when I first knew that you loved me. I’ll remember when you took the knife from my hands and bandaged the slits on my arms. And then I’ll remember the way you closed up and pushed me away again. And went back to being Smokey Eyes. I suck in a breath, maybe my last one, opening my eyes just in time to see the sun cap the horizon line and bathe the world in golden light. In time to see Tokyo come to life and the world move on without me. Because that’s what it will do after today. Move on. And so, I let go. The railing slides from my hands and I fall forwards. At the last moment before my other foot leaves the edge of the building, your arms wrap around me from behind, and you hold me as I turn over to that I am looking back up at where I stood. When I turn my head to the side, I see you there, so beautiful in the morning light. Beautiful but broken because your parents would never let you love another boy. Shameful. That’s what you are. That’s what I am. And just a figment of my imagination. I look into your smokey eyes as you reach out and touch my cheek. Oh, how I love your eyes, even when they burn me to the ground. Time warps, and the world slows. I see the red stain wash away and the mist swirl away to reveal the concrete below me. You look down with me, and I am so grateful that you will be the last thing I see, even when I am suspended in mid air. I’m grateful that the last thing I will know will be your touch. And we can live in our shame together for the last few minutes I will ever know you exist. I love your smokey eyes. I love you, Smokey Eyes.
