(This is a vent so please don't read if you don't want to here me vent) So, for those who don't know I've been through some traumatic situations regarding skool. Regarding people restraining me specifically. I've been told by my mother that I was just being dramatic. She says that doing what I do is normal at my age. In fact I do less than expected. I don't know what to believe. I've been told that she's borderline abusive. And recently she banned me from reading anything. Because I physically could not get up from bed for hours. So uh....yesterday. She told me 'That I'm just frustrated' After I scratched her. Because she was restraining me. She knows I have trauma about that. I was hyperventilating and she was talking about getting ice cream because I wanted a friend-let's call them Chez because that's what they go by. Chez kinda knows my situation. I could barely breathe and she was talking calmly. She didn't even notice. And if she did, she didn't care. She works and works. Usually from 8 till 6 or 7 And when she talks to me it's usually about work. Never 'how has your day been' unless I tell her it's been bad she doesn't inquire anything. It's my fault I can't sleep? You play shows on loud volumes with screaming. I have bruises from you restraining me now. I don't know what, or who to believe. I know I'm supposed to be able to trust her. She keeps forgetting to feed the cat. I have no siblings and only live with her. I don't know what to do. I'm thinking about maybe offing myself. No one would care anyways. Other than my cat. "There's always a person in a worse situation than you" I wonder. I have to make food myself sometimes. I wonder if she'd care if I died. I wonder. Would anyone care about me if I left? She doesn't care if I'm crying. Or if I'm scared of her. Of course I'm ignoring you. I'm terrified every time I'm near you. Or even think of you. I also apparently fit like-most of the symptoms for PTSD so- Like I mean. This is just a me problem and I'm bringing you all into it.
I apologize for venting. Honestly I've wanted to make numerous vent projects because of her. But I don't know. I don't know anymore. I hope this doesn't get taken down
