May 1. It's a new month...and I felt betrayal, sadness, and helplessness. The heart-breaks were never my options...the tears and sadness were never so dear to me. I felt love, lost, lust, longing, depression and pain all at once...I want to cry so much that tears refuse to come out. People I l0v3 was just playing safe. The world is not even black and white anymore…just blurred...the dark images of my past haunt me so bad that it bl33ds but I can do nothing just to watch it silently... -Aoi Kanzaki ------------------------------------------------------------------------- May 1. -2nd entry Mika gave me a present...inside the box there was a letter from Emiko, some jewelry that I liked, Emiko's other haori she wore on days where she was really happy and some other things I liked...but every time I look at it...a memory goes in my head...okasan's d3@th...I couldn't save her. When I can't save a l0v3d one...I always think...am I always this helpless? And that thinking is right...I am helpless. However, Giyu's always there to make good memories...but...at the end it's all blurred...I never thought light was a lie. For a while...I thought I have found my world....but I never did...and never will. When Mika d!3s like Emiko...I know I will never be the same. My capacity to fall for anything is truly commendable...I always knew l!f3 was bad but...forbidden is temping isn't it....? -Aoi Kanzaki
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