My resident Evil 7 biohazard commentary (Out of order & context cause heII yea) ( > = my mom. } = Friend. ~ = Me, *) =My bro’s friend, -] = My bro) ~Who is Ethan? }You are- ~Oh- ~This is some lowkey Life of Luxury sh- ~WHERE THE PECK DID GRANDMA GO?! ~THIS IS WHY YOUR FAMILY IS MESSED UP JACK! ~THIS IS WHY NOONE LOVES YOU! >Oh god- ~WHAT THE HE!! AM SUPPOSED TO DO?! }Language. ~I have no reflection- }Yea- The never gave Ethan one. ~Who? }Ethan, The Protagonist? ~Oh- right- ~HOLY!- HELLO! THAT WAS THE ROOF- }Get your gvn ~I’M TRYING I’M TRYING- … ~THERES NO @MM0- }USE YOUR FOLDING KN1FE!- ~It’s a m0rgue… }Yea, it is ~Last I saw one of these was in Hopes Peak. }You really did soar through those games, huh? ~I am eating an icecream cone, on call with you, listening to my friends screaming demon mackaw, listening to my brother and his friends, and I have a cat in my lap, all at the same time while trying to fight this crazy man with a double chainsaw. ~Oh-… OH-! HIS TORSO UP JUST WENT BOOM- ~HIS LEGS ARE STILL MOVING WHAT- ~….What the actual peck is that noise-….. ITS GRANDMA AGAIN?!- YOUR HUMMING IS CREEPY AS PECK- ~…..Grandmas giving me a funny look… *)Cause shes sleeping- ~SHE IS NOT HER EYES ARE OPEN- *)No they are shut ~GO UP TO THE SCREEN! YOU CAN SEE HER PUPILS AND IRIS! *)….I don’t like that, its creepy ~Can I sh00t Grandma? *)I don’t think so ~I’m doing drvgs >Excuse me? ~I’m using st3r0ids to help my health cause I’m a dummy. >Jesus- ~….WHERE IS THE VIDEO CLIP- THIS IS A CRUMMY VAN- ~….Who hangs there bras on a hanger? ~Who’s Ethan? }*Gives me the ‘Excuse me what?’ look* ~What? }*Same look* ~….OH THAT’S ME ISN’T IT? }Yes ~This bridge is gonna collapse- ~It's a demon ~Getting my squats in- ~Your cooking looks awful- ~THAT’S NOT GROOVY- Ethan: That is not groovy… ~….HAH BEAT YOU TO IT! ~Sneaky sneaky sneaky! Sneaky Sneaky Sneaky! *Singing in the beat of the Mario Underground theme* ~*HIgh pitched mouse sounding voice* oh my god- oh my god- oh my god- }Run! ~I DON’T REMEMBER HOW- ~Kicking bags is fun- }Ethan needs a therapist- ~Who?! }*disbelief on how forgetful I am* ~THAT’S A BIG MOSQUITO- ~Aggressive much? ~I’m not your dad- ~PECK- NO- EW- SPIDERS- NO- PLEASE- HELP- ~Who the heII?- ~*Me coming back to play after two weeks* ….Who’s Mia?- }Your wife. ~I ain’t gay! }Jesus go to the menu and read all the files ~….OHHHHH- ~Peck you, peck you, peck you,peck you, peck you- ~Are you d3? }Yes, stop st jacks butt with the folding kn1fe- ~YOU CAN NEVER BE TO SURE- Jack: Cut it out! *Gets up* ~EEK- }Pfft- You shouldn’t have done that ~WAAAAAAAAH- (Half scream half fake cry) ~GET OFF MY WINDSHEILD- ~…..Wow- as the oldest child- That’s weird to hear- -]What? ~ ‘Stay the blep out’ -]Yea- HOW COME YOU CAN BURST INTO MY ROOM BUT YOU WOULDN’T LET ME EVEN TOUCH YOUR DOOR KNOB?! ~That’s a sharp shovel- ~*Random incoherent noises* ~NYOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM! ~Kamukura vibes- ~RESIDENT EVIL 7 IN A CHIAKI COSPLAY! 3,2,1, GO! ~THERE WAS A NOISE- }That was your footsteps ~….oh- ~I’m beyond paranoid- ~I CAN’T AIM-! STOP MOVING- ~St st st
NO SPOILERS AIGHT?! IF YOU SPOIL THE GAME ISTG- I was just told by marguerite: 'Stay the [PECK] OUT!'
