“Are you okay?” The real answer is very complicated. I’m struggling with a lot of stuff right now. First up I’m trying to cope with a recent death at my school. From self inflicted wounds. The news arrived a few days ago. I feel very numb. There are counselors at my school and people are trying to be supportive but I just need space. Space to grieve, space to cope. Secondly, as many of you already know, I will be moving across the country soon in order to attend boarding school. This is my choice. This is not a military school or anything. It’s for gifted kids. It’s still a big change. Oh yea, my school is also taking chrome books tomorrow so I won’t be on very much. I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed lately with the amount of stuff I have to deal with. I want to be there for people, but I’m also going through so so much. I can’t always be the happy and chaotic jordan you guys want. I keep trying to help but nothing works. I feel useless, like nothing I say or do makes a difference. Especially in the situation with ellery recently, I’ve become more and more aware that there is actually nothing I can do. My headaches are getting worse. My thoughts are getting worse. I’m so so tired. Tired physically, tired mentally. There are things in my head. The flashbacks are stronger now. I can only remember flashes of my past, nothing more. My memory is gone. My therapist is asking questions about the night that I don’t want to answer. Why am I making this project? Mostly to explain what’s happening. What do I need? Your empathy. Your understanding. As much kindness as you can give I’d appreciate. I love you all so so much.
