deleted a good portion of this because it's really detailed and idk about that being shared anymore (keeping the project up so that my profile still looks the same lol)
I was doing research on osdd-b1 (basically DID but without much memory loss). I wasn't sure if I had DID or anything like it up until that point. A definite alter, Ella, made it very clear, though. She fronted for about 2 hours, and wrote all of her thoughts in the notes app, took screen recordings to show the different behaviors from me that she had on my phone, made a playlist for herself, talked with a few of my online friends, made herself a pluralkit (disc-d bot made for systems, so that systems can be clear about who's in control) profile, and even called one of my friends. Said friend already knew about the stuff I had been going through before, and they were willing to help. Honestly, through some of this, I think both me and Ella were conscious. We both sometimes had thoughts simultaneously, which made us question whether or not we really were different people. Though there are gaps in my memory where I know she did something, and I don't remember most of the notes she had written, etc. Ella seemed unsure because I was unsure, but the transition from Ella back to me was insane, and confirmed it all for us. We were still on a call with my friend when it happened. I was slowly coming back beforehand, and I read ahead to where Ella had left me a note. Which was when I just kinda. Paused. Looked around at my room. And unmuted my mic to talk to my friend. The realization hit me like a freaking truck, and I could /feel/ the difference. It felt like a breath of fresh air, I guess. Just- being in complete control of my body, and finally understanding that, yes, there is at least one other "mind" in there. Ella was completely silent, which is why I noticed every time I spoke to myself. I felt so much more emotional now because Ella had a harder time expressing herself. Thanks a bunch for reading, I hope you understand why I may be on and off, and if you'd like any updates on the situation, let me know! I think such a positive experience may encourage other possible alters to show themselves, or have Ella come back. I dunno. Thanks a bunch for reading, love you all <3 /p -Monet/Penny (Update: The inital thought was that we had osdd-1b because of the lack of amnesia. I now believe it is P-DID, as it's difficult for other alters to front alone for extended periods of time. When I posted this project and for many months afterward. I fixated so hard on the discovery that I forced a lot of fronts and, in turn, forced dissociation. It's not as major to my life anymore, alters just show up when I need them. Which.. isn't often. Wouldn't be surprised if most of them have gone dormant. I do think Ella's still here, I know for a fact Charlie and Mariana are here... I dunno about the rest. They might show up, they might not. All I know is that I was really overwhelmed when I paid a lot of attention to all 80 alters--in turn, splitting more--and it's a lot easier to be more laidback about it. It's not as important anymore. And also, it's overall positive now. Nothing to worry about!)
