whatever i do is never enough ••• i wish i was a little kid again My best friend (let’s call her George) always spreads rumors abt me and is rude but plays it off as a “joke”. She’s really rude sometimes and doesn’t care about me much, and often says she would and could murder me for her other best friend (who she also called ugly). She shares my secrets and often talks behind my back, so I can’t trust her. But I /can’t/ drop her bc I’m in a friend group that she leads, that bullies almost everyone, and everyone will take her side. I have self inflicted death (it won’t let me say it) thoughts every day at school and home. I’m fairly young, so I can’t really tell anyone about this, but even if I did, it wouldn’t make it better. I miss the way things used to be. Uncomplicated, free, easy. To add to it all, I have really bad mental health but I’m too scared to try to get help. I have really bad anxiety attacks where I hide in the school bathroom, sob, and try to SH. Anxiety is really bad for me. I only have two true friends. 1. my second best friend (we’ll call her Fred) who supports and cares for me. Idk if she feels the same about George but if she does, she doesn’t show it. She’s been friends with George for like 8 years and agrees with everything she says when she’s with her, so if i drop George then I lose one of my friends. 2. The kindest sweetest best person in the whole world. I care about her sm and love her. But the only thing is she’s leaving my school and moving across the state and I’ll almost never see her again. Crying rn bc she’s moving at the end of the school year, aka in a week and I’ll miss her sm I’ll send a paragraph explaining how sorry I am (I’m a HUGE people pleaser) and they’ll respond with OK. This is the stuff that makes me want to off myself. This is all their fault. thank u for reading all the way here, if you didn't skip. ik a lot of you probably did, but im not asking you to read this whole thing enough of my stupid rambling, im gonna go cry more
