Hey guys. I haven’t been active in a while. If you still remember me, thank you, I appreciate that you’re out there maybe thinking about me. I started using scratch in 5th grade. The year that I didn’t go to school at all due to the pandemic. It was a nice little outlet for my creativity and a great place to make friends. I was able to discover things about myself which was nice. Eventually I began witnessing more and more kids being bullied for being gay or trans. I’ve developed so much internal h0m0ph0b1a from this that it’s hard for me to come back to scratch and be my true self I also found out that I am on the autism spectrum. I think that discovering that I just think differently and there’s nothing I can do to control it really made me self-aware of all the weird things I do. I h4t3 myself and I wish I could just be normal. Why is it so easy for everyone else to make friends? Why don’t they have to fake their personality? Why is it that when someone gets hurt, other’s rush to help them, and I’m left feeling nothing at all? Am I a horrible person? Why is it so hard for me to feel basic human empathy? I know this is already probably a lot for me to be telling all of you, but now I think I need to talk about other things that led to my current mental state TW// mentions of ab*se, ED, substance use, and d34th Recently I was in a very abus1v3 relationship with a boy multiple years older than me. I won't go into too much detail for many reasons but he manipulated me, exploited me, and made me isolate myself until I thought he was the only person I could trust. During this time I developed an0r3xia. My therapist said it was a way to distract myself from this boy. I was able to escape from him and get treatment for my an0 but unfortunately a very close friend of mine died suddenly shortly after. This took a huge toll on my mental state and I was kind of pushed over the edge. I began to dabble in drvgs and ach0h0l because I thought it would help. It didn't. I'm still working to get my life back together and I'm not even in high school yet. But I know one day I'll get better and if you're experiencing something similar, you will too. If you read this far, thank you. I would like to apologize to everyone I’ve hurt on this website. I have very low empathy and it’s hard for me to understand emotions sometimes, but that's no excuse for being a jerk I’ve really enjoyed my time spent here on scratch. But for now I’m leaving. I will still check notifications so hmu i guess. Who knows, maybe I’ll come back, but not very soon. Thank you, I love you all Do widzenia, -Vilnius Socials: Ig: ghost.cakke Dis: Viilnius Snap: ingriiid.vr (though I prob won't add you back)
