[s] and [b] = my edits ([b] = stuff I add, [s] = stuff I’d delete) [quote]I tried to go in, but bamboo shoots grew rapidly suddenly, blocking my path.[/quote] Is the bamboo actually growing visibly as the narrator is attempting to enter? Perhaps explain how and why (magic?) if so. [quote]I [s]am[/s][b]was[/b] shut out of the bamboo forest; he [b](try replacing “is” with “was” here)[/b] locked in the bamboo thickets. I yelled, letting my frustration out.[/quote] [quote]Taking a kn!-fe probably owned by those criminals to chop down the bamboo thickets. I cannot lose him again. Each swing used all my energy, but my anger [s]is[/s][b]was[/b] never used up. I [s]swing[/s][b]swung[/b] the kn!-fe once more, coughing endlessly. At once, the shoots fell down.[/quote] This section is unclear to me (perhaps you are using characters from a different story?). Where did the narrator find the kn!-fe? How did they cut down all the shoots “at once”? [quote]I ran in, ignoring whatever consequences that I would face.[/quote] Ooh, I like this! Good glimpse of character. [quote]I called [s]him[/s][b]his[/b] name[s],[/s] but felt something wet at my mouth. [i]Bl00d.[/i] I coughed[s],[/s] and spat out bl00d. All that yelling and chopping [b]had[/b] probably made my air passage bl33d. But I [s]don't[/s][b]didn’t[/b] care about [s]how[/s] my physical form [s]is[/s]. I never did. I only want[b]ed[/b] [b](to save?[/b] you.[/quote] Some more tense stuff to keep an eye on at the end. (I also made some punctuation edits, hopefully that’s ok!)
