What happened? /Why/ did it happen? Why did it happen again? Why was Driftdaisy laying on the dusty sand near an aster-hued pond, his vision blurry and eyes watery as the stressing stars shimmered in the despairing nighttime sky? Why did he have to experience grief? Why couldn’t he just grin at whatever life would throw at him, no matter how strange or dreadful it was? He wasn’t supposed to be doing this. He was supposed to be content with his life, accepting that what happens will happen, and he can’t change the past, no matter how much he tries. He was supposed to be grateful with what he had, reminding himself that other felines weren’t as lucky as him. But he didn’t want to. He knew it was immoral, he knew it was petty to think of himself with little regard to others. But all he could feel was to let the world know his anger and guilt, let /StarClan/ know what they had done wrong. Let them know what they had done to Cinnamonsticks, his beloved brother, and Sageheart, his kindhearted mentor. /LET THEM KNOW WHAT THEY HAD DONE./ He wasn’t supposed to be furious. He wasn’t supposed to be furious. He was supposed to just /move on/ and deal with it. No amount of rage would stop the constant pain that swirled in his body – but no amount of joy would bring them back. Deal with it. Deal with it. Deal with it. Deal with it. Just deal with it, and it’ll all be over. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Other felines find crying weak, don’t they? It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault. You had absolutely zero thing to do with this… or maybe you did. It was always his fault, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it? Wasn’t it? Wasn’t it? Wasn’t it? The words echoed through his mind. All these disasters were because of him, right? Right? Right? Right? Right? The blazing, harsh fire still burned in his heart, but every other part of him was tired. He was just being irrational. Irrational. Irrational. Irrational. Irrational. He just wanted to be happy again. He just wanted his family and friends. He tried to stiffen his tears. It was so… weird. He and Cinnamonsticks hadn’t even talked that much – he wasn’t even sure if his brother was in danger. For all he knew, Cinnamon could be having the time of his life at that very moment. And if it wasn’t for training, Driftdaisy likely wouldn’t even know that Sageheart existed. But he still cared for them. He was still weeping underneath the glowing moon for them. Why did he have to be so sympathetic? Perhaps it would’ve been better if he was ignorant, no care for anyone other than himself in the world… But he wasn’t like that. He could express empathy. He could feel every emotion in existence, no matter how positive or negative they may be. It was difficult, really. Emotions were difficult. /Everything/ was difficult. But he knew that nothing came easy anymore. Reality was /harsh/, and it would always be, no matter how much he complained or cried about it. He was helpless. Just a small, tiny speck of dust in the vast world ahead of him. The blue-eyed feline couldn’t make any changes to the world, even if he wanted to. He would always have no effect to whatever happened. If he ran away from RiverClan, it’d be like nothing ever changed. He’d always just be taking up space. He stiffened his tears again and rolled over, staring directly into the rippling waters of the pond that sat not too far from him. There, his reflection stared back. /”What are you doing?”/ it asked. “I’m crying, isn’t it obvious?” Driftdaisy scoffed. /”You don’t need to be like this.”/ it said. “I know.” he muttered. /”But you are still doing it, even though you know that it’s wrong.”/ “I know.” /”Why?”/ “I don’t know.” /”Move on.”/ “No.” /”The only cat putting you in distress is you.”/ “No, I’m not.” /”Then who else is doing this?”/ “Sage and Cinnamon.” /”How?”/ “I… don’t know.” /”They didn’t want to disappear.”/ He didn’t reply. So, his reflection continued talking. /”They wouldn’t want to see you like this.”/ “I know.” /”Letting others down is your biggest fear, isn’t it? Don’t let your mentor and brother down.”/ Silence. The stars twinkled brighter than ever, as if reassuring the suffering warrior. More silence. The moon glimmered in the dark sky above. More silence. The surface of the pond rippled calmly. More silence. “I understand.” ☆ if you've ever seen me talking about a srp I had to write, this is likely it lol ill probably put some art in the project later, but for now, take this self roleplay of drifty guy crying ⛹️ the reflection isn't actually talking by the way, it's just in drift's mind :] also, this is something for tfcrp if you didn't know! it's a cool roleplay ( ) also also, this canonically took place right after cinnamon and sage passed
