Soo yeah B) I’m feeling big emotions (idk how to else to describe it so forgive me lol) I’m going to be fine, it just a depressive episode because my depression comes in waves without any former warning! Yay for me rn! Anyways here a kinda vent, it’s more a rant. Massive TW, if you don’t want to read it then don’t! … Tbh I’m tired, I’m tired of seeing people support violet, I feel violated as a human, disgusted even Violet has terrorised my feelings! AND NOT GIVING A SINGLE FLYING FLUFF ABOUT MY FEELINGS!! IM FUFFYING TIRED OF THIS :/ And I’m not say “ohhh I’m better then everyone and everyone she feel bad for me and give me attention” no, I’m saying that I want to be seen as a living breathing human with feelings. I literally can’t look myself in the mirror without feeling like poop from with vi said- she didn’t necessarily say anything bad but I just have a massive amount of guilt and anxiety… so bad in fact that I had to see my therapist again It’s gotten so bad to the point where I feel the need to punish myself, by hurting myself, not eating, not taking care of me- and even skipping taking my meds. Luckily I have resisted hurting myself, although the quite visible scars on my upper right thigh pains me- she made me feel so bad that I hurt myself I know I shouldn’t blame someone but when it’s they that made me feel like this I will. I deserve to feel better, I deserve better friends than vi. And seeing my friends or people I know being hurt sends me down a slippery slope, idc if people hurt me but i get very protective when it comes to my friends- they don’t deserve to feel bad, especially not for what someone else said/did And to be honest I don’t regret anything I said to violet, I know it was bad, I know I’m being a horrible person but quite frankly she deserved it, she needs to listen not just say. Because I am also human, a living breathing person with feelings I’ve had multiple panic attacks because of violets actions, I am disgusted that I aloud her to continue her mistreatment of me! I refuse to believe what she did was okay! I ALSO HAVE FEELINGS, VERY VAILD FEELINGS AND VI JUST THREW THEM TO THE SIDE! IT CAN TAKE YEARS FOR ME TO FEEL SAFE WITH NEW PPL AND THAT JUST CONFIRMS IT! I CANT ANYMORE, IM DONE LYING, IM DONE! Anyways, I’m fine, my brain is just feeling silly rn. Have a good day/night or whatever!
This beautiful pic is from the music video “red flags” by Tom Cardy, his music is hilarious and I recommend checking him out on Spotify!
