I don't know how many people will actually read this, but hi. If you don't know me, I'm Phoenix or Chloe, my main is @Smartypantschlo, and I have a slew of alts, including my art account, @Artypantschlo. My oldest account, Smartypantschlo is 5 years old, but I've been here for around 2 1/2 years consistently. Before scratch, my art was basic, a flower here and there, sometimes a self-portrait, just simple things. Once I started Scratch, and writing, and roleplaying, however, I wanted to learn to do art, so I could portray my characters. I needed a LOT of help. Mostly for the longest time it was IRL friends who helped me. When I met Bella, she taught me as well, here on scratch. Soon, I became confident in my art. Yes, it was still trash compared to some, but I had improved so much. I had saw people do OTAs before, so why not give it a shot? Big mistake. No one ever wanted my art, my characters. Then OTA Collabs were huge, and I decided to try and enter them. The ones I got into, no one ever offered for my art. But what was even worse was the empty comments, or "Sorry, your art is not what we are looking for." Crushing. No one even tried to give me tips. No one tried to see the dedication I had to learn this new skill. Fast forward past the numerous number of failed contests, homeless characters, and failure after failure. A while back, I made a MYO. The Elementals. They were a work in progress, I asked for help, I pleaded for advice. The storyline was awesome, and I still love my character Brook. I had so many plans for it. But it died. Because one person didn't see value in my passion for my project. One person didn't care for my feelings, and wrote paragraphs on how the species was awful. How it was just a cat with wings, when it could have been so much more. I was trying to make it more. Yet my heart shattered that day. Even now, I'm making a species for my book that I one day hope to publish. But I'm scared that I will be hurt like this again, because it is close to the style of Elemetals, just in human form. But this book, is closer to me then even the Elementals. Because this book...its my storyline. https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/835497125/ explains more about the story that helps keep me sane. What if, the Magkoaian aren't good enough. What if...I'm not good enough? Yet no one sees the tears I cry. April, 2023, was probably the worse time, in my whole life, but especially my art. On April 5th, a tornado hit my town. It took me MONTHS to come back, and I STILL can't leave my basement when theres a thunderstorm. I get so scared, I feel sick, I can't think straight, I have to run and hide. But during this time, I was in a contest. I had lost my art because my chromebook glitched a few days before the tornado, and had no time to redo it, until Wednesday. That Wednesday was April 5th. I posted my entry last mintue. Yet my opponent got some hidden extention, lasting literally until 30 mins before results were posted. Sure, something may of happen in this persons life, but I made it clear I almost didn't make it because of the tornado, and that my art was rushed and not of the best quality. I lost. They could have offered me an extention, but no. Sometimes I wonder if it was all rigged against me in the first place. It took me three months to even start art again, I was so broken. I still am. I've barley recovered. Heres the biggest thing I think I want to stress. No matter what level, no matter how good, or bad someone's art is, make them feel encoraged. Artists on Scratch are AWFUL about only wanting people "with the right style" I'm not saying everyone is, but I feel most people are. Maybe one day, this will change. But for now, this account will lay dormate, art all being posted on Smartypants, besidels my Art Fight Art Dump, and one day, I'll come back, start fresh. But for now...farewell.
