Entering for literally any of them idrc Alright, are you ready for some of the worst puns you've ever heard? You might need some tissues, and stay close to a bathroom in case... you know. =========================================== Don't you love mushrooms? Have you ever thought about growing one? Well, do you know how much room you need to grow them? .... As mushroom as possible. =========================================== I'm afraid of the calendar. I don't like thinking about dy!ng (this may be false) or de@th, or how long I have to live before it happens. That's why I'm scared for the calendar. It's days are numbered. =========================================== Many people like to sing in the shower. It's quite fun, especially when no one else is home. Then you can really dig deep. Well, it's fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera. =========================================== Animals in clothes are pretty cute, most of the time. I enjoy looking at animals in hats, myself. But have you ever seen a fish with a bowtie? You call them, "Sofishticated" gentlefish. =========================================== You know what they say; A job well done is a job soaked in elbow grease. Okay, nobody says that. But how does dry skin affect you at work? There's no elbow grease to put on it. =========================================== Ah, food and animals. One of the many delights of imagination. And one of the mysteries of nature; Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels. I guess you really can take anything too far. =========================================== Haircuts, haircuts. Some people like them, some people don't. When you come home and see your dad, you can ask him, "Dad, did you get a haircut?" Well, there's more then one hair on your head, so he would reply, "No, I got them all cut!" =========================================== What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows. Poor guy. That would be a terrible name. =========================================== Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones. Wait, banana factory? Don't they come from trees? =========================================== Hhhhhh that was a lot of typing, but that was only part one! The actual jokes themselves were compiled by Blair Donovan, and the little intros and stuff were by me! Now, onto part 2! Prepare to read. There's gonna be a lot of that. =========================================== If you've never heard of a Markhor, then you should probably go to jail for 94 years. Just kidding. You probably haven't heard of them. That's because pretty much no one has. Well, let me tell you a story about them. One day, a silly mountain goat named Frederick was climbing up a steep cliff with the rest of his flock. He was known as a troublemaker among the mountain goats. Well, today was no different on that front. Frederick and his flock had nearly reached a tall ledge covered with lush green plants when suddenly, Frederick uttered a strange noise comparable only to the growl of a jaguar. His flock halted, listening as Frederick crept up the ledge ahead of the others. "Fred! What are you doing?" That was Larissa, one of Frederick's flockmates. He halted, glancing down at her. "I was going to investigate the noise!" He chirped, continuing to climb. "Don't be stupid! You just want the leaves!" Another goat griped as the flock began to dash upward, quicker than before, and Frederick noticed a jaguar climbing up below them. "I've had enough of this!" They yelled as they rushed toward him. Frederick scrambled up the cliff and onto the ledge. There was nowhere else to go after that. He backed up on the ledge, his ears and tail tucked way back. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't know I would bring it right to us!" He bleated. And suddenly, he slipped, and began to fall down a deep, dark hole of perpetual nothingness, screaming, "AAAAAAA! SOMEONE HELP ME!!! I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE!" As he went quiet, a familiar face appeared in the darkness. "Do not fear, Fred," a ghostly vision of Larissa soothed. "There are only four Drewagstenits at the bottom, and they will finish you off relatively slowly." "WHAT THE HECK IS A DREWAGSTENIT? AND WHY ARE THEIR FOUR OF THEM TO FINISH ME OFF?" "Stay calm. You smell like Rambutan, their favorite fruit. The less calm you are, the more they hunger." "WHY DO I SMELL LIKE A RABMOOTIN OR WHATEVER YOU SAID? I don't wanna dieeeee.." he trailed off as he felt water flowing up around him. Then, more and more familiar faces began appearing around him. "Have fun in the underworld, Fred." "Don't swallow any stale chicken nuggets." "I crave fried spider...." "ARSON!" Flames erupted around Frederick, and he started spinning out of control. And then, as the fire crept closer to him, his eyes burning but unable to close...
His horns began to melt, stretching out into a thin shape, as if they had been pulled out of a tight coil. And then... He woke up sleeping on a ledge with his flock. But his horns were still stretched out. "Weird dream," he thought, and then he fell back asleep. And that's where the Markhors came from. (Google Markhor lmao I'm too lazy to put one in here)
