1 YEAR!!!

Instructions

THIS ACCOUNT IS ONE YEAR OLD!!! YIPPEEEEE (warning: I talk a lot about feelings beyond this point) It's pretty unbelievable what I've managed to do in this short time. I look back and I see the fledgling I once was, I can see all the embarrassing phases I went through, but it's still me. And that's what's important. I've changed a lot, grown a lot, and in general, become a better (and worse, in some ways) person. I've evolved, is the word that comes to mind. I've changed in such a way that me now is almost unrecognizable when compared with a younger version of him. But the truth still remains: I'm me. Nothing can change that. Not even my parents. Not my friends. Nobody but me can change me. Oftentimes, I feel like crap because my mom thinks she can influence my religious views, or my friend might try to push me to do something that I don't want to do. But that's not their place. In this single year of my life, I've become aware of that. I've reached a higher understanding of who I am and what the world is like for people like me. "I'll survive" I say that too often. It should be more positive. More like, "I'll thrive. I'll push through." My mom seems to be in a tight spot right now because she can't quite find a way to break my spirit. She can get rid of my material possessions but I seem relatively unaffected. Why, she must wonder, is this child so difficult? Years of harsh treatment taught me that physical things can vanish and often do. They are a privilege that can be snatched away in a heartbeat if you're not careful. When I go on here to draw or post on Tumblr or write something I'm always listening for footsteps. They can't see the things I write, the things I think. The internet's my last safe space. They can't find the pronouns under my bios, my preferred names and the things I'm interested in. I just need something, anything to keep private. I'm thinking about writing little clues in my journal for my mom to find. Each one will hint at something about me that she doesn't know. I'll let her put the pieces together while I think of when to come out. My birthday is next month, and I always round up a year when I reach the final two months before it. So, sorry if it makes you mad that I put 15 in some places and 14 in others... Yeah. Anyway, here are some skills I learned this last year: - playing ukulele (also getting good at playing guitar) - drawing people (sorta) - drawing cats (been studying their anatomy) - how to use (chalk) pastels - how to code in HTML - how to be quiet at night so mom doesn't hear me - how to hide pronoun pins - how to mask my autistic traits (though mom says I'm backsliding again, which is not good) - how to care for chickens - how to make a plush pattern