❝ if i'm not forward i can't possibly get hurt, right? ❞ Sunspotkit— no, Sunspot/paw/— often liked to ponder. He'd spend his days and nights lost in his own thoughts, questioning everything that he would grasp— snatches of conversations, or the little details his eyes would catch when they drifted over his surroundings, or even his own dreams and the figments of imagination his mind would create, like a constant cog turning, and turning, and turning. Some would think it's a gift, while others, not so much. And now he had this new name. This new title, Sunspot/paw/. What would he do with it? It seemed like a silly question. You don't /do/ things with names. A name is just the brand you will be called by until the unforeseen future. But with this name Sunny knew would come responsibility, responsibility that the little whispers in his head made him doubt he could take on. He had spent his whole kithood, of course living in Windclan, residing in the dimly crystal-lit caverns in the underground tunnels beneath the endless plains of sand. So after the name was bestowed upon him, and the excitement of the ceremony had faded away, it left an empty yet hopeful curiosity in his heart as Sunspotpaw turned his gaze to the tunnel that led outside. The first thing the newly-apprenticed tom felt as he climbed out of the opening, his heart thudding hard against his own chest, was the wind; the gentle breeze flowing through his fur, its soft, wordless song beckoning him outside, and then there was the light. The day had passed, leaving the barren desert in a state of twilit dusk. The dunes were painted in a soft glow from the sunset, amber and golden over the pale sand. A few scarce clouds gathered over the horizon, tinted in shades of rose over the setting sun in the unreachable distance. Various shades of violet, indigo and tangerine were smudged across the sky like paintbrush strokes, casting an array of colour over the picturesque landscape. And above, the sky had already steadily darkened into blue, a few stars peeping out from the darkness and twinkling faintly overhead. The light cascaded onto Sunspotpaw, utter awe painted over his face as he took in the scene. Was it always this beautiful? And- he'd spend everyday out here, learning how to become a good warrior? But then there was the sun. His eyes stung at the mere sight of it, the celestial body blinding anyone under its gaze momentarily, as if punishing any threat to its beauty. It was a huge orb, an orb of radiant light piercing the darkness of dwindling dusk, sending shafts of golden light across the plains of sand, lighting up the dusty air in a misty haze of amber phosphenes. This was what he was named after, it was the shape of this ethereal lantern of the desert that was emblazed over his chest, that locked the fate of his namesake. It was perfect. But he wasn't, was he? And just then the doubts crept back into his heart, little unwanted shadows slipping in their hushed, harsh words. Now it wasn't just a gentle, welcoming melody that was carried over the breeze— it was little worries, whispered over the wind, too quiet to hear but it was enough for Sunny. He wasn't sure if he could do this or not. It seemed awfully big and awfully sudden, like all this had been thrown over him in a blink of an eye. He wanted to be a good warrior but there was hesitance in his determination, making it weaker than it should be. So the felidae sat, his amber tail tucked over his paws as he nestled himself in the pearly sand, contemplating the sunlight drain into the horizon and feeling the air turn crisp around him. Soon more stars were pinpricked across the inky blackness, shadows creeping over rocks and dunes. Sunspotpaw often liked to ponder, and he spent this night just asking himself if he'd be as good at this as everyone else. ❝ but i'm too much of a coward to admit it... ❞ ——— my boy !! already apprenticed !! i love sunny sm <33 but anyways cowardice and self-doubt >:(( sunny has a lot of that and is a little worried that he'll fall behind all the other apprentices and his mind is just plunging him into silly thoughts that he won't become a warrior if he doesn't work hard like everyone else haha. this was mostly just an excuse for me trying to practise my writing because I'm really disliking it atm lmao,,
