first of all, scratch, please do NOT take down this project for the art I put in. I already censored the swear word, but the art piece just looks better with it in Here's the vent: (trigger warning for self-ouch and death) why My life is literally going so well right now I have good grades in all my classes I have good friends I haven't been bullied yet this year So why do I feel so [nope]ing awful all the time? I literally hate myself Everyone blames me for everything It doesn't [nope]ing matter if it was their fault They walked into me at lunch and dropped their tray "Look where you're going!" "Why'd you make me drop my lunch?" "This is your fault" If they say it enough, is it true? If they run into me, but they fall to the ground, is it true that I walked into them? "You just bodyslammed my friend to the ground" "That's not cool, you can't just be walking into people all the time like that" "You need to apologize right now" They keep saying it Did I really walk into him? Is my memory just so [nope]ed that I really think that they walked into me instead of them running into me? "Why isn't your binder open? I need to check you set it up." - my math teacher "You already checked it." - me "No, I just said your name." - my math teacher Did he really just say my name? I could've sworn he checked my binder But he said he didn't, so I must be [nope]ing going crazy Am I seeing things, remembering things, imagining things that never really happened? If so, is it my brain trying to make me feel better or to torment me? Am I going [nope]ing crazy? Am I already crazy? My friends and I make jokes like that all the time "You're crazy" "You're absolutely insane" Is it true? If you say something enough, does that make it true? If C keeps saying that I walked into him at lunch, and he didn't walk into me, does that make it true? Is his version of the story true? He keeps bringing it up in my mind Reliving that memory again and again Saying it was my fault Was it my fault? Am I that much of a [nope]ing failure that my own brain can't even remember things correctly? I couldn't stop myself I grabbed a knife that day I don't know why I needed to punish myself I did it I was stupid It was my fault I needed more scars to remind myself of how stupid I was How crazy I was How much of a truly [nope]ed up person I was I deserve it I deserve all of it All of the pain All of the humiliation I deserve every bit of it The one thing I don't deserve is to keep living I don't deserve this life Someone probably killed themselves as I wrote this Died of some terrible illness Died in a car crash Heart attack Stroke Old age Cancer Why all of them? Why did all of those genuinely good people die instead of me? I'm such a [nope]ed up failure I probably couldn't even bring myself to end my life if I tried But could I even try? If only I'd died Instead of all those other people They didn't deserve it I do And of course I'm such a wimp I couldn't even pull the trigger I could bring the gun to my head But I could never have the willpower to pull the trigger This isn't even a huge [nope]ing problem Someone has it much worse, and here I am, wishing I could die over three [nope]ing words someone said to me "It's your fault" It is my fault It is my fault Its my fault Its my fault Its my fault Its my fault And no one is even going to see this, no one is going to care, because no one knows who I am No one gives a [nope] about some random kid on the internet
