I know this sounds like I'm a horrible person, but I can't keep this in so I'm using a scratch prject to get it out. One of my uncle's girlfriends is going to be giving birth around the same time as my birthday. This doesn't seem like a lot, but I very rarely get attention from any of my family, so having just a day where even the thought of me comes up means alot. But when I heard my mom talking about it to my dad, my heart broke into a million peices. My birthday is usually overshadowed by christmas, my birthday being the 30th, so I'm used to it, but everyone is going to be scrambling to get gifts for a child they aren't even going to see. I'm used to not getting attention, I know I'll never be important to the eyes of anyone in my family. I'm a mess up, and I can never do anything right, but my birthday is when I get to pretend everyone cares about me. A day where I can be happy, even if it's fake. But, it turns out, I can't even have that. I tried to talk to my friends, but they said I was kinda being silly for being jeaous of a baby that isn't even born, and they ignored me. I've tried and tried to get over this, but this is probably the last straw for me. My whole life has been over shadowed by other things. When I was young, I never knew any better, I thought everyone expirenced that. I had to learn from my friends that normally, kids are improtant to their family, especially the first grandkid, which I happen to be. I barely get attention as it is, and I don't eat. My best friend, whom I've fallen in love with, is worried for me but I can't bare to watch his heart break as I tell him everything a dislike about myself and my life. In all honesty, I want to fade away out of reality and only be remembered by foggy memories. Well, this is probably really long, I'll stop now.
Song - Kimi Wa Dekinai Ko by Kikuo
