(To creator: if you feel uncomfortable with me remixing as a vent pls tell me and I will take it down. I apologize.) Tw: s3lf h4rm + ed ————— Yeah I haven’t really been posting or active on here. And now here I am saying why. Some people were like asking me abt what I commented on my profile so uh yeah I guess- I haven’t really had any motivation to get on pc (but now I am currently on it) First thing’s first. I feel like a failure. My sibiling is going through some real bad stuff and has an ed. ofc they’re not on scratch anymore so yeah. I know as an older sibiling it is my job to help carry the family but I’m just standing there in the background.., watching everyone suffer…. She’s so close to being in the hospital I’m not even joking… probably gonna be there for months…. She’s not there yet but the ed treatment place said e might have to last resort… (meaning hospital for her). I’ve tried over and over to encourage her to eat and she doesn’t want the help…. I’m useless. It wouldn’t change a thing if I was gone. I should be the one in the hospital. I don’t want to be here anymore I really really don’t. I always want to be at school just to get away from everything at home but the more I think about it… I don’t wanna be anywhere. I just wanna fall asleep and never wake up again. I want to bleed and laugh c___ing myself with my scissors. I was clean for so long then I started again. But I want to get better.. but idk how if I can’t help my sibling. I just don’t know anymore. I can’t enjoy things I can’t even care about anything. I’m failing my math class and probably about to fail Spanish… I really really wanna get better but at the same time I don’t deserve it.. yet again I don’t wanna sound like a whiner cuz that’s what I sound like rn… I’ve vented to people and they said they can’t help me.. I can’t help myself either. My family can’t help me. I told my mom what was going on and it just stressed her even more. My friends can’t help me. Heck I can’t even get a stupid therapist. I’ve had sh emergencies 2 times at school in the last couple of weeks. I’m seeing the counselor once a week but like still.., I feel so horrible and terrible because I’m like this. Ik I have more to say but I can’t say it. Because ST is a buncha babies and I’m probs gonna get reported for this but whatever :skull:
