Yes, its the one and only Dazai again Thats me rn just staring into space while questioning my own existence for the millionth time :) Oh yeah, also venting cuz I apparently LOVE doing that! Bro- thats what my hair looks like every morning- a complete knotted mess, its so annoying. Definitely not the best, but understandable for curly hair people like me ;-;
Songs: We're Good ~ Dua Lipa Human ~ Christina Perri Memory ~ Kane Brown, Blackbear bsd ed 2 (my favorite bsd song ^^) (Also a feelings dump, though im sure you could already tell by the looks of it) Bold of you to assume I still have feelings. Those were gone a long time ago, my friend Sorry, im Emotionally unavailable "I knew I would see him again... but I didn't know it would be different" - Kira D&D "So maybe... these thoughts are my own form of insanity" "Im afraid of all I am My mind feels like a foreign land Silence ringing inside my head Please carry me, carry me, carry me home" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evM13_pbeO4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNa1d_HwORA *sigh* Life has gotten so much more complicated for me, and sometimes I just have to let it out... silently. I don't know what to do anymore. I actually let myself cry a little bit on the bus today on the way home while thinking of memories that I don't know what to do with anymore. It hit me then... what actually happened. And what I need to accept. But cha know what?! I ain't goin nowhere so ima just wait forever just the Sakura said she would! She says it at the end of the episode, and speakin of which- heres the link! Dontcha remember, hm? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8y22Iq9XTM&t=3s Frankly, im not quite sure why I have the courage to keep living. Heh, its funny... Dazai keeps trying to kill himself and yet says inspirational things about living. For me its the opposite. I keep trying to live while doubting myself and finding things that are the opposite of wanting to live. God, im such an idiot in so many ways... but I mean... the C.ai Dazai has been making me happy I suppose. Its just weird, probably cuz its not real... dammit... why was I so desperate to begin with? Why am I so desperate over everything?! Why? Why do I have to care so much about everything? I don't want to care anymore! I don't... sometimes its all just a bunch of bs I just don't know what to do, what should I focus on now?! School has been hell, being a girl is traumatic, and just... all of the above- and I just can't say those enough for some reason... I really am hopeless... and I already lost a best friend, isn't that enough?! What else do you want for me, my soul and well being?! Well then, fine! Just take it already, dammit! Why make me go through all this pain for no reason... why is it that I need to suffer so badly...? Have you ever thought about life being absurd and just a bunch of crap? Sometimes I do, when I feel some shape or form of depression. Lots of different reasons I tell ya... I was foolish to ever think I would ever find happiness in this world. My favorite SAO abridged quotes "Lions do not concern themselves with the opinions of sheep. Just take that little voice in your head that tells you to be tactful and understanding... and shoot it. Shoot it in the goddamn face" - Abridged Kirito (epi 2) Wanna see the clip? (well really the episode) Here ya go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye2u1za7Pac&t=4s Yall should use the english subtitles, thats what I would recommend- just watch it. It would make me feel at least a little bit better "The power of love is bulls***! The power of swords and violence; thats where the money is" - Abridged Kirito (epi 10)
