Brilliantblight srp!! With the recent loss of her Mama, Magnoliaplight, Brill has been attempting to cope with certain methods, like wandering over the dunes when the nights are cool. She reflects on her life’s purpose. This srp will be done entirely in 1st person, something I never tried before! Excuse me if this is not my peak quality, as it’s not an area I’m experienced in. ——————————————————————————— Windclan camp has this sort of squeeze about it now. It never had it before. I’ve grown so tired of feeling so trapped here. So I wander. Hoping for an adventure, for an escape. When sunset passes and the day makes way for night to take its place, I wander the dunes. Aimless. I ignore my duties as a tunneler. I don’t hunt for my clan. I hunt for myself, and when I can’t urge myself to move far, I take from the pile. I’ve grown so tired of being here. It hurts to look where I saw it happen. It hurts to think about my family, what they’re going through, too. I’m so selfish. All I do is sit around camp and mope, and then I leave. My life is pointless. Aimless. I walk up the tunnel into camp. The walk always feels too far, especially when I want to leave so badly. Finally. I pick up some of the bone-chillingly cold sand, freezing even though the sun only set a little bit ago. I throw it away, the wind carrying it somewhere else. Days and nights pass too quickly, just like that sand. I find myself pondering for long stretches of the day, surprised at how much time is gone. It’s all so AIMLESS. I pad over as fast as I can to a tall dune, scrambling up the hill to be high up. The sprayed-up sand sticks to my pelt, but I couldn’t be bothered to clean it out. Dumb sand. Dumb need to be away from camp. Things would be easier if I could just be content in one place. But no. I need to feel the cool air against my pelt. I need that still, serene feeling you get when you watch the stars. When time stops, just for me, just so I can watch. The stars are pretty tonight. They’re pretty every night. They’ll still be there, even if I don’t look at them every night. But I can’t resist watching them. But it’s always pointless. Always has been, always will be. Aimless, even. Just like me. I am purposeless. I don’t exist for a reason. I’ve been so bitter. So angry. So selfish. Everyone experiences loss. Why does it have to be so hard for me to handle? It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t make a difference. /I/ don’t make a difference. Because I am pointless. I am aimless. I am purposeless. I don’t have a reason to be here. I just sort of am. I don’t exist for a reason. I find myself laughing aloud while I lay and watch the stars. How comical, how ironic. I sigh at the irony of it. I, Brilliantblight, am pointless. A wanderer, a vagabond, a drifter, wandering about the world aimlessly, without a real reason, other than to find the next excitement. I thought this would be more fun. I’ve always had that itch, that need, to go places, to wander. I’m always tethered back to windclan, though. I always have to go back. I don’t know why. It’s not like I’m close with anyone but Snazzyjazz there. I could leave. But something always brings me back. I think it’s the permanency of the clan itself. People change, and so do relationships. But windclan stays. Forever a stronghold, forever a place to return to. I’ve always known it as ‘home’. It hasn’t felt that way for a while. Just a place to go back to when the desert gets too hot. But nothing is permanent, really. Everything fades with time. Even people, even legacies. I don’t have a legacy. If I went to the afterlife right now, what would I leave behind? Absolutely nothing. It doesn’t even matter. It’s all pointless. It’s all aimless. My life has lost its luster, its shimmer, its shine. Nothing’s new anymore. I do the same thing /every day/. Stuck in this endless rut and hoping for things to get better, more exciting. They never do. Why would I even think they would? Nothing changes. It’s all the same. Every day. So aimless. I could leave. I could go. I could change that. I would regret it, probably. It doesn’t matter. This was pointless.
Plot!! I feel like her character is finally developing. She’s become more deep, more self-aware. I’m proud, in a way, of what I’ve done for her development, although I’ve been lacking quite a bit in terms of srps and such. I hope this was enjoyable to read! Trying out first person was fun. I think I’ll write like this from now on.
