why. why is it what I want to come back to just brings me bad memories. I love this place, I have friends. But the two I always talked too have faded away. They left because I did. I made so much people quit. People loved me. And I gave up. I just left. How pathetic, am I right? I don't know if they are ok now. I don't know if they are mentally alright. For god sake, what if they took their ly*fe because I left? She loved me. And now she's gone. Tell me, what do I do? I have a few crushes now, I might be poly. But what if she comes back, and hates me? What if SHE stood all this time, waiting for me, loving me still, and came back to me dating someone Why do I fear loving others? Why do I feel like hell is gonna break through. If she still loves me, what if she cries? It'd be all me. All my fault. ITS ALWAYS MY FAULT. I should calm down. But it's hard. I'm already overwhelmed as it is, I hardly sleep. I spend my nights doing homework and trying to entertain people on social medias by posting. I can't keep up. But I can't quit. I have friends who look up to me I love people here I'm waiting, for her. NO, I can't stop! I can't stop thinking about her! Why! I feel like I just met death several times at the same moment! shes over you. get over it, sinnie. she hates you. go find someone else. okay. i just need to sleep. sleep it off. like i always have done. besides, theres only one thing in the world that'd make me want to die. that'd be my mother dying. she's the only blood relative that loves me genuinely. so I will do this for her. I will be happy. fake or not. im going to make everyone proud. because i love you all.
