!!blood/injury warn for both art + rp!! (this srp's perspective is quite confusing but it is intentional! since it represents chirrup's current state of mind where she seems almost unable to be conscious of anything) _______________________________ 『眩暈がする』 『その仕草も言葉選びすら理解出来ず』 『瞬きのような毎日が無常にも過ぎていく』 How does it feel like leading your own pawsteps outside the clan you once titled to be your home and "will ever be?" How does it feel like turning your head away from the eyes and many figures that surround you, and run away into a life you heard would be filled with freedom? Isn't it enjoyable right, the one who used to be Chirrupwisteria? Or have you regret cutting contacts with the people in your clan and run away from everyone? What would they feel like, miss you? What about your family? Or maybe everyone doesn't even care about your dissapearance, maybe they never noticed. Because you were never a gemstone in anyone's eyes, you only shone the faintest light known in this world. You don't attract them, the moths of this world, because you emit barely any light source for everyone. And instead of improving, you seek for appreciation with no attempts whatsoever in gaining one, you only stood there, as frail as ever. Pathetically running away so that everyone could forget you ever existed. We'll, we're here now. So what are you going to do? All you have left is your own brother, the one who suggested the idea of moving from WindClan, and you followed him here. Was that a bad choice? Think about it, you're the one who possess your own body, you should be able to control it wisely. Have you used it to its full potential? Probably not; that's what you say to yourself every night, unfazed. Maybe if you were to escape your own thoughts like these, you shouldn't be as stupid. Standing still in a vast and quiet place where nothing can be your company except your own thoughts. You know fully well what you came here for, right? And that was to speak with me, inner you. Or maybe you came here to frolic around, have some fun with the flowers and hill that surround your fragile paws. You could fall anytime now, since you pretend that you're doing something fun instead of facing the factor that made these thoughts, or rather "me", surround you all the time. Hey, this is the place where you met someone, don't you remember? The majestic pastures, with flowers all around. Look at the combination of colors all around you, somehow you were the only one that stood out; as grey as ever. Look at the lavenders that match your beautiful violet gaze, but the highlight that reflected within your eyes weren't as bright as before. "...Where, did you go?" Mumbled Chirrup. Mumbled /you/, you who look around aimlessly amidst the sea of flowers, with a clear image of a certain figure who you always kept in mind; the only friend you would acknowledge the presence of. Everyone else.. are they as important? Stupid, that's really rude of you. They called you 'Chi'. You remember that so well, but staying here is pointless, all you're going to meet is no one but the faint whispers of the wind telling you to just let go. A hazy expression shone upon her face, taking small breaths inbetween the gusts of wind that brushed past purrs fur. Birds with the color of blue skies would swim within the air above, why are /you/ so worried? "I.. please just shut up." Once again, mumbled the loner to no one but herself. Her tone was seasoned with raw dissapointment, shaking as there was nothing the feline could do but move forward, biting her own thoughts back. Something inside of her was in a deadpan state, looking at purrs own body who walked along the hills of this unfamiliar territory. Like her inner-spirit.. trying to guide her somewhere, yet Chirrup herself couldn't understand them, nor do they understand the numb state of mind the loner is stuck with. There you stood, leaving the traces of flower-field you once seemed to always have many fun in, regardless of the time of day as long as you're standing there. But earlier was different, there's something wrong with you. Why are you pointlessly dragging your paws through the damp grass, making it seem like you're looking for something despite how confused you are? What, are you trying to find the meaning of life /again/? That was moons ago. When you took the first chance of breathing the air outside, yes, it felt nice. But it wasn't eternal happiness, even though you managed to attract a moth towards you. /No. no. This has nothing to do with that. None of that./ The only thing they reminded her was the phase where purr felt most unsteady at. Well, who is she to speak, when she always feels lost no matter what? Like slowly drowning in a vast sea where flowers float above the sea level while she's falling behind. Mayhaps even a larger figure or monster of sorts is waiting at the bottom of the trench, ready to wrench purrs entire being.
...funny, so funny. Look around, stop thinking of weird stuff. We're on a hill, with fresh trees surrounding the area, and... some sort of giant stones and slabs circling this certain spot that looked ancient enough; it even had writings and carvings on their firm grey surfaces that no one can identify, like it was from a different era. Odd. It reminded her of a certain place in Chirrup's old home. The ruins. Right, how much she loved that place due to how fascinating it is if you were to pull an all-nighter there, blending yourself within the eerie air that surrounds the ancient structurals ambience. Ah.. being in WindClan territory, you miss it, don't you? So why do you even come here in the first place? What are you guiding yourself too with that aimless brain of yours? Rustle. ...? Are you sure you're alone here? Focusing her sight at the source of sound, that is the lush foliage covered sighting of the forest that blurs with mystery, her eyes widened. A small figure came into the spot, with a short, seemingly not-fully-grown antler. It's a little deer, or rather, a fawn. What is it doing here? Purrs gaze softened, approaching the little deer with caution and no ill intent. Her head was lowered to examine the creature as she got close, its eyes brims with a sort of innocent light every youngling possesses. Oh how Chirrup missed having that sort of thing in youth, Yes. A youth that shattered not long thanks to how you've guided yourself, Chirrup. Lost in thought, she wondered if she'll be able to have that sort of energy back. Pure curiousity of what the world is like instead of worrying about your thoughts, that must've been the state this fawn is in, a carefree one. It didn't even seem bothered by the presence of the tall loner, or scared. It just seems to be here.. for peace. Maybe it's for a company. Chirrup smiled, purring. Though as the air shifts, weird sounds hovered over the air and zooms even closer and closer through her ears. Like it's another deer, yet a distressed sounding one. At the voice that lingered, Chirrup's pupils sharpened. Something she didn't even notice was a giant figure leaped above the air, passing through the blue and orange feline with great speed. She could hear the grunts of the large animal that was suddenly behind her, aswell as noticing the distant expression change of the fawn; from a calm nature to a harsher one, like its in danger. Or rather, /you/ are in danger. In seconds, staring into the soulless eyes of the adult deer with horrors at the sight of it; its large branching antlers pointing upwards and an "X" shaped scar on the right side of its neck going onto its face, her breath became funny. 『だんだん独りが染み付いて』 『寂しさの感度も忘れていく』 Hey, why are you here, Chirrup? It's large towering stance shifted into a threatening position, like it's about to pounce. Don't you remember the reason you were here? Staying on the outskirts of clan territories? Running, and running. A horrifying sound it made as the target becomes clear in its eyes; where the bullet should be shoot. You wanted to find the true, unbothered piece of you, or something else? Mayhaps someone? Mayhaps the true meaning of life? Crash. Everything corrupted. Its antlers sliced across her fur, stabbing deep within minutes like a razor from down to up as it leaped. Its frame within the air was full of glory, knowing it achieved something in "good" intentions. That's right. You hate having all eyes surround you, yet you still want to stick by someone's side. You have a fear of being left alone, yet isolate yourself. Her body was weak, falling into the ground after being momentarily lifted up by the deer. What was the name of her who made you feel loved the most? Closing purrs eyes as she let out a shriek, she quickly moved her paws to the exposed spot, it pours of red liquid uncontrollably. She can't see anything. Her vision was blurred, glitching out with each grunt of pain. Right, it was Bluebell. _______________________________ sorry for thr cringest warning ever on the front page AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okay i am . shaking so much as i write this. why am i so mean to cheeb i actually feel awful im gonna have a mental breakdown over this dear god i was never ready to write something so emotional --- the roleplay after this is gonna be the aftermath where Boogarden (@corvidpaws) assist Chirrup in medical help! basically the TL;DR for this srp is. cheeb has an internal mental breakdown and her mind keeps telling her the worst of all. ends up in her getting darned by a mama deer trying to save its child for mistaking that it was in danger lol --- ♪ balloon - パメラ (Pamela) (the goal for every srps i do with cheeb is that they're based off of songs i highly associate her with, (like the first srp i did w her) so references in each writing to paired songs are likely common! its also likely that i'll be making an animatic out of the srp with the same song though not promised)
