memory || lovejourney srp

Instructions

tw for throwing up + blood + mention of stuff that vultures do/eat . . . the freezing gales blew across the desert, ruffling the wavy fur of a certain romantic tom. what had once pierced and bit at his skin had been reduced to nothing but a gentle zephyr. perhaps it was the time that had passed, having grown accustomed to the bitter cold or scorching sand that sometimes lingered under the golden rays of the sun. perhaps it was his mindset that had recently been stuffed with thoughts that were far too caliginous for his liking. too caliginous. too cynical. too muddled. too blurry. of course, taking a stroll through the memory lane had never been lovejourney's specialty. he would subconsciously forget about most cats he'd met- even seconds after introductions and idle chatter. strangers. that was normal, was it not? acquaintances. that was normal too, right? everyone would have a subtle falling out with those that weren't close-close with them. friends. did he even have any? it's all foggy, shrouded by mist. oh, well~! who cares? that... that was normal too... right..? lovers. he never had any... did he? ironically, due to not only his namesake but personality as well. mothers. ...mothers. that's normal. that's totally normal, wasn't it? right? right? right?? it's been moons since both left the world forever and ever. it's only natural, wasn't it? wasn't it!? he didn't remember their names. he didn't remember their voices. he didn't remember their scent. he didn't remember their touch. but... he didn't need to, right...? they left him. ...was that really their fault? he should hate them for it. it wasn't their fault. they left him alone. IT WASN'T THEIR FAULT. and felines that he hated didn't deserve for him to even have a shred of his already limited storage space. IㅤW SㅤTHE R FㅤLT so, he should be glad that all that remained was a fuzzy shadow in the back of his mind. IT WAS THEIR FAULT . . . ...right...? . . . "l ve " "lo e " " ove!" "lov !" ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ"love!" get out of my head. get out of my head. get out of my head. get out of my head. get out of my head. gET OUT OF MYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFM YㅤEAㅤDㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤAD enough already. he hated you. over all these moons, their memory was gradually fading away from his mind. this sort of thing made his head hurt. it made his heart pound; it made his head feel like it was stuffed with thoughts that were going 100 miles per second. just the thought of it resurfacing made him feel sick. so why... after all these years... why was the clearest thing he remembered the very thing he wanted to forget? the clearest thing he remembered. the sinking feeling of guilt. regret. and most of all, the desire to see them again. . . . lovejourney was snapped out of his daze by the mildly sweet taste of fish and iron, as well as the bitter taste of bile slowly escaping his throat. the ground underneath him was torn up. the inside of his cheek was chewed and bleeding. his paws were caked with dirt, grime, and sand. his heart and head were pounding like a mechanical drill. despite the sheer, frosty winds, he felt everything heating up. his vision was dizzy, and he couldn't stop everything from spinning. why was this happening? what was happening to him?! he choked. felt a wave of nausea overcome him as his stomach emptied itself despite every fiber of his being weakly whispering, fighting, screaming, "no, god, please no." the tom was left shaking, slowly composing himself. he stuck his tongue out, tasting saltwater run down his tangled muzzle. he caught his own reflection in a nearby pond of water. was this the first time he wasn't a pretty crier? was this what being attached to someone would result in? was this his punishment for his supposed apathy towards it all? perhaps there really was divine judgement above. maybe there was an afterlife, but they just hated him. well. he supposed he wouldn't make that mistake anymore. he'd continue to greet. to converse. to flirt. but it won't be genuine anymore. he couldn't risk it. for now, he'd have to pray that his heartstrings and thoughts would stop haunting him, trailing after him like a relentless shadow. lovejourney tilted his head up slowly. instead of seeing twinkling dots and a glowing circle, he saw a jet-black screen, and outlines of birds that fed on carcasses. vultures. "..." "i'm not dead yet. go away, please." right? he wasn't dead yet... he wasn't just a spirit wandering the world. he still had a heartbeat. ...he didn't know if that was true or not. "i said go away. only attractive creatures can touch me, let alone lay their eyes upon me. you don't qualify." oh, wait. they can't speak cat. how silly! lovejourney flattened his ears down to his head as he sprinted away, hoping that they wouldn't play a deadly game of tag with him. they didn't. cont in notes and credits