Before I start this, Id just like to say that this is not me making fun of autism- I'm neurodivergent myself, and I understand the struggles that come with being autistic. Rather, this is an inside joke between me and my friends about a specific person pretending to be autistic for fame. Thank you. A cold and stormy night in the newly formed LaulPire. Jake was in his and his brother's mud hut, drinking a nice, warm cup of dirt (with a little worm in there too off how else) and sitting on the filthy floor by a fireplace (more like an indoor campfire tbh). Jake sipped his luxurious dirt, watching the flames dance and legit almost burn his toes, though already crusty and dusty and musty so not much woukd change. Clenching his cake, Jake stood up and wiped the sweat off of his yellow, sparkly forehead. "Where is my brother :(" said the XY chromosome male. It was true that in fact Logan hadn't come back to the hut in ages- since morning! Jake scratched and sniffed his hairy, sweaty pits which were probably infected with lice at this point, and looked out of the window at the raging storm outside. There, on the ground, laid a man who looked as if he had malnutrition. His бооту in the air, the man looked as if he had legit just fallen asleep out of nowhere. Jake let out a babygirl gasp as he noticed another person in the same position just a bot to the left, laying not very awesomely. Jake then proceeded to place his grimy hands on his greasy hair, grabbing it, and open his mouth, as if silently screaming. He then swung his upper body around in an exaggerated movement going "THEY'RE ALL BEING PUT INTO DEEP SLEEP BY THE PHANTOMS!!" He swung his head so intensely I could've sworn he got brain damage. But I dunno, it's not like I was there. Right then, Logan came in like the alpha wolf he is, barging into the mud hut and making the entire structure shake. He stood there, chin high, for about 10 seconds, before violently coughing because he was holding his breath the entire time. what an Idot. "Whats wrong, babygirl Jake?" He said between coughing fits, catching his breath. Jake was quivering, looking ss if he was about to fall down. His knees were shaking so bad they looked like they would pop off. "T-t-t-they all got p-p-p-p-p-put into d-d-d-d-d-deep sleep by the p-p-p-p-p-phantoms, Logan.... look outside...." he stuttered. Logan stomped inside, gripping the earthy ground in his sweaty toes. In fact, so sweaty, that where he stepped turned right into mud. He looked out the window, bellybutton-lint-coloured eyes scanning the landscape. "Jake..." Logan said, his head turning back to his brother, though not before doing a full 360. Eyes full of alphawolf-ness, Logan spoke again; "They really HAVE been put into deep sleep by the phantoms!!" Jake nodded, now breaking down into tears. Logan immediately thrust his way рєlvis-first to Jake, wiping his brother's diarreah coloured tears (from the sheer amount of dirt on Jake's face) with his crusty, hardened fingertips. Jake could feel his nose-hairs scrunching up from the stench of Logan's (probably rotting) yellowed nails grazing his cranium, though said nothing as to be a perfect little polite little sigma boy. Comforting Jayk, Logan scrunched his brother's juicy бооту снеекs one by one, like the world's best stress balls. This gesture made Jake feel instantly significantly more sigma, and he hugged his brother while smiling like an anime girl, his eyes bulging from the force Logan was working at that cake with. He then whipped his massive head back and forth, clearing his mind. As he pulled away he told Logan, "W-w-well... what are we g-gonna d-do..?" Logan pretended to scratch his head as he answered (though it was obvious he was sniffing his hand), "I dunno.." he then stopped being a weirdo for 0.5 seconds, hitting kawaii Jakey-Wakey with that one specific gacha life eye shape everyone used for the нот popular boys in glmms (u better know what im on abt :( ahh). "This is the worst case of deep-sleep-by-phantoms I've ever seen..." then his eyes turned into semi-circles, blinking furiously with anxiety. "I think..." he said. "I think that.. maybe.. just eating grass.. isn't good enough for these people?" Logan's voice seemed weirdly deep as he said that. I dunno dude, maybe he fractured his vocal chords. Jake's gaze was now filled with anger. "How could you say that??!" He clenched his fists, eyes watering since he hadn't recently bitten his nails off and they were digging into his palms. The yellow boy then looked down at his awesome toes, which were NOT having a spasm. "You're right..........." he said emoly. "Maybe grass isn't.. e-enough.. to fill their.. *stomachs*..." He then looked back up at Logan, who was just stood there with his mouth slightly open, staring cross-eyed into the dancing flames of their fireplace. "But I guess I deserve it, right?!" Jake wailed, finally getting his brother to look at him. "A-and.. I deserve for my (1/2)
(2/2) Kingdom to be starving, dont I!? Huh Logan?! Huh?!?!?" Jake was now getting in his brother's face like a rabid dog (hey, his mouth was even frothing! Isnt that cool?) meanwhile Logan just looked at his brother as if he belonged in a zoo. After a bit, Jake stepped back, now looking down at his hands the same way an anime girl woild right after discovering she has powers. He wrinkled his forehead, making about a gallon of sweat just pour down. He also shook his musty, yellow dog fur-like hair, scattering lice into even the darkest corners of the hut. "What am i doing...?" He said. Logan still stood there stiff as a board, though he said to Jake, "Its okay, bbg. You didnt mean it." Then Jake seemed to lose all emotion and went "yeah ky bad bro", looking back up at Logan. "D'yew wanna go on a walk to forget all this?" Jake asked swaggerly. Logan nodded with his full body, and they both walked out the door- or where the door was. Logan had legit destroyed it when barging in. And so, occasionally kicking over the bodies on the floor, the boys walked. And they walked. And they walked until they found a cave. "Go inside?" Said Logan. Jake nodded with his whole body, and charged into the cave headfirst, not even looking where he was going. Logan walked slower, sometimes clenching his massive бuиdа when stepping on a rock. Though he sped up when he heard his limp-noodle-haird brother (Pake) let out an ultrasonic wail. How did Logan hear it? Obviously hes made of stardust, so the Paul brother's hearing is much better than an average humans, DUHHH,..?..?.?. ... Logan ran, cake jiggling. He let out a similar wail back to his brother to let him know he was on his way over. Eventually, the male found himself in a room where Jake was on his knees, and there was a singular, tap-dancing cow in the middle of it all. The siblings both looked horrified at this sighting. When the Pauls tried to communicate to eachother via vocal chord, however, the cow let out a very strange, strangled sound. "Mмσσυυοοφφφθθюю00ОоО!!" Cried this strange cow. The brothers, deeply disturbed, tried to do sign language, though it turned out that neither of them knew it. Then, they got an idea, ooO!!! And simoltanously they put one hand on their chins, other hand pointing to the air. A hallucination of a lightbulb appeared above the two's heads (probs enduced by the immense stench the brother's armpits had tbh lets be so fr) and at the same time they yelled "EUREKA!!" the cow wailed twice in a row, tapdancing more furiously than ever before. "Mмσσυυοοφφφθθюю00ОоО!!" The py approached eachother, grinning, clearly thinking of the same thing. Though Logan felt silly and strutted to Jake, hands on hips. He nearly broke his foot, but got there eventually, so its aight. The brothers approached eachother, Logan submissively letting Jake wrap his arms aroudn him and touch his massive, jiggly βυηdα while Logan placed his crusty, hardened fingers on Jake's bellybutton. Once again he fed, brain growing until it merged with his brother's beardful chin. This abomination merged into one, grotesque man- Jogan Laul! When formed together, the men looked into eachother's eyes and blinked vertically, telepathising with eachother. With this telepathy they then told eachother a plan. I duno what they said, very conventient jogan. Anyways, Jogan then did an absoltely awesome backflip that defied ohsyics and hit the cow with his back feet. The cow let out another screech. "Mмσσυυοοφφφθθюю00ОоО!!" But it stopped tapdancing, so thats that I guess. The cow looked absolutely offended. It then began jiggling and more animals (which i assume were its backup dancers) came, legit just coming up through the floor. There were 2 pigs, 2 chickens and a gerbil. The gerbil scrambled forwards, and the mutant abomination that is Jogan could see that the мf had a weird moustache. And unline the other animals, it spoke. "AY!" It said. It had a mexican accent. "WHY YOU HERE? WE REHERSE HERE YOU IDOT!" Jogan gulped his spit. (Whos spit? Jogans or the gerbils? Ill let you make your own assumptions man. Im done with this i have no motivation) then jogan spoke, curling his 20 toes. "Well um.. sorry.." Jogan said. The. Jogan spoke again. "We were just exploring." The gerbil looked so furious it was about to explode. "AND YOU NO KNOW US?? THE AUTISM ANIMALS, AH?!?" Jogan shook both his heads. The gerbil carried on. "WELL YOU PIZZA FACE, THIS IS OUR CAVE! WE! NO YOU! GET OUT!" But Jogan's eyes on the Logan side were just staring at that big, beefy cow.. and on the Jake side at that faт, faт pig.. ahhhh........ As the geebil began to push (or at least attempt to push) Jogan out of the cave, the two men spoke at the same time. "But wait!!" They said babygirlily. "Please, we need you!" The gerbil looked at the two men cross-eyed, then said, "Need us? FOR WHAT!?!" jogan laul shook both his massive heads and said "just come here, man... its okay..." and so he walked away, gerbil too.
