Hi Summer! First of all, I really enjoyed this piece. I appreciated the way you handled the themes of connection to one’s culture/past and climate change, and utilized flashbacks to tell your story! The relationship between Unali and her mother is so sweet <33 That being said, there are definitely a number of things you could expand upon and clarify for your readers. For example, it would really flesh out your worldbuilding a lot more if you explained why nature as turned from green to brown. Obviously, the reader can guess and draw parallels to real life, but providing some history within the story would make it feel much more grounded (if that makes sense). Another thing is the change in Unali from past to present. She seems almost to resent her Viuniani cultural roots as a child and resists her mother’s attempts to steer her away from the Common language. As an adult, however, it’s clear that she has developed a real appreciation for her heritage. It makes since that her views on this matter would change over time; however, this shift does feel rather dramatic the way you present it. I would suggest trying to bridge this difference somehow, maybe by adding a reflection from the adult Unali in which she considers how she felt about her Viuniani heritage then versus how she feels now. It could even be a couple lines about how she is grateful to her mother for ensuring that she was fully exposed to her culture, or something similar. Those are small criticisms though, and ultimately I think you communicated the ideas in this story really well! I can tell a lot of thought went into constructing the Viuniani people and their culture/language. It comes through in the little details, like their respect for nature and how they have three different words for green. Also major respect for creating your own conlang <33 I’ll admit I skipped this weekly because the idea of making a new language from scratch seemed very daunting. But anyways, really great work overall. Thank you for sharing this piece with me!
