I’m positive you are familiar with the story of Little Red Riding Hood and The Three Little Pigs where I’m the big, bad wolf. But those stories never share why I did what I did, or how I even came to the conclusion of that being an ok thing to do. I’m going to share the true story of Little Red Riding Hood, and this is how it goes: For the past couple weeks now I’d been starving. All of my prey has left since that lumberjack has started chopping down all the trees. I’ve managed to get a small, injured animal once or twice but it’s not enough to fill me. I’ve even had to leave my area of the forest to find food. When I did, I found a house! It’s small, maybe one or two people inside. I have thought about going in to eat them, but that wouldn’t be legal. Also, it’ll probably make me feel very guilty. I’ve also thought about eating that horrible lumberjack since he’s the reason I have no food, but then again it would also be very unlawful. I’ve been concerned with the law since ever since those three little pigs settled here a few years ago and I almost ate them, which made the police watch my every step, but that’s something else entirely. However, I can’t ignore how my stomach starts to growl every time I think about those pigs. Maybe it’s because I’m so hungry, speaking of which I better start figuring out where my next meal is going to come from. I see smoke coming out from the chimney of the house nearby. That must mean somebody does live there, I wonder how big they are… No, stop thinking that way, I’m not going to go against the law and get myself arrested again. But what if I don’t get caught, I mean there most likely isn’t anyone who would come this far out in the woods for a visit. I argue with myself for a couple more minutes before my hunger finally wins. I ran towards the house, passing the lumberjack, the little trail that leads to her house, and my favorite napping spot. I debate on turning around and going back to my favorite napping spot and wait for some old, injured bird to come. I decide against that and continue walking to the house. I enter the house carefully and quietly, not wanting to alert the human living here. This is a horrible idea, it’s very immoral, and unlawful. But I’m sure they’ll understand if I say just how starving I am and the lack of natural prey in my area. I look around the house and spot and old woman, definitely not suited to be eaten. I stare at the woman before she starts talking about a little girl coming to bring her food. Perfect! I can pretend to be the old lady and eat the food the little girl brings, that way I won’t have to eat either of the humans. I walk up to the old woman, and she nearly screams, I have to put my paw over her mouth to prevent her from doing so since I don’t want to alert the lumberjack who may be nearby. After dealing with the little pigs, I learned how to knock someone out and how to do karate. I make sure I knock out the woman as gently as possible, since she’s old and I don’t want to be the reason she dies. I gently set the old woman in the closet, making sure it’ll be comfortable when she wakes up. I decided it would be suspicious if I just stayed here the whole time without ever even talking to the girl, so I leave the house and head for the trail. [go to notes and credits for the rest]
I have to wait by the trail for a couple minutes before a young girl in a red hood emerges humming a song. “Hey little girl”, I said, trying not to sound weird or creepy. I definitely sounded both weird and creepy. The little girl jumped back, obviously startled. “W-who are you?”, the girl said. “Why I’m just someone who lives in these woods”, I replied back, trying really hard to get the girl to trust me more. “Oh, my grandma lives in these woods too!”, she replied. “That’s lovely, where exactly does she live?” “She lives just up this little dirt path”, she said happily. “Why thanks for telling me”, I said. I ran off. I ran back to the house and put on one of the old lady’s night gowns. I then proceeded to steal the lady’s glasses and put them on. A couple minuets later the girl arrived. “Grandma! I’m here!”, she yelled from right outside the cottage. “Why, come in my dear”, I said in my best old lady impression. She opened the door and starred at me, but somehow still oblivious to the fact that I’m not her grandmother but instead a wolf. She placed the basket on the table and cautiously walked towards the bed which I was laying on. She said, “Grandma, what big ears you have”. This brat, doesn’t she know it’s rude to say that? “Why the better to hear you with”, I replied sweetly. “What big eyes you have”, she said. Doesn’t she self-conscious, “Why the better to see you with”. “What big teeth you have”, she said cautiously. “Why the better to eat you with!”, I yelled, leaping forward towards her to swallow her whole. Little Red Riding hood screamed and jumped back. I lost control of my body as hunger seeped in. I can’t remember much except the screamed and cries for help coming from the little girl. The next thing I know that stupid lumberjack hit me on the back of my head. I woke up in a police car, and they told me I had tried to kill the girl and the grandma. But It wasn’t all my fault, since I had been hungry. That’s the true story of Little Red Riding hood.
