—— —— —— —— —— —— —— wce by @sunnilu title: merry christmas (heart emoji)? based on a real story of what my morning was like today (as savannah, not the narrator, the narrator is my brain/subconsious) —— —— —— —— —— —— —— Breathe, Savannah, it’s just one text, not the end of the world. It’s Christmas morning, and you need to wish your boyfriend a Merry Christmas, but you’re also trying to figure out if he’s mad at you for canceling your first “date”. Sure, it was completely your fault for not checking with your mom first to see if she would let you go, but at least you canceled an hour after he had responded with a maybe, so maybe the blow was softened by the short notice? He hasn’t talked to you in the 3 days that have passed since then- Oh, you think that he probably never wants to see you again for getting his hopes up so high? Has it ever occurred to you that he’s probably just busy doing things other than checking his phone every hour to see if you had responded, and then sighing a sigh so depressing and dreary that it makes people feel sorry for you, *hint hint, Savannah!* Look, don’t overthink it, all your friends are currently wishing each other Merry Christmas right now so he’s bound to do it sometime soon, maybe you wait for him to do it first? What’s that? Well, how is it my fault that he never texts first, even during your 8 months of a situationship and now almost 3 weeks of dating? Ugh, just say “Merry Christmas, Christmas tree emoji, heart emoji.” Why the heart emoji, you ask? Girl, the closest thing to being romantic the two of you have ever said to each other was heart emojis, not even the l word (i love you), which is when you truly know that a relationship is working, so if he responds with a heart emoji back, we’ll know he’s not fuming about silly things like your unorganized canceling of plans and that he still likes you, and if he doesn’t return the heart emoji, then you’re in a lot of trouble, Savannah. There, sent. See? Nothing to worry about. You’re fine. *exasperated sigh* Sav, you’re completely fine, stop wailing on the ground in despair. Yes, I know he shouldn’t be mad about you canceling plans since he did that before, with Halloween, but this was going to be your first date, so it’s different. I personally think you should be the mad one because he didn’t get you a Christmas present, when you spent $50 on his. You don’t see the problem with that? Oh shoot, you’d better hide the phone, your mom’s coming and you got your phone taken until New Year’s, so quite frankly none of this conversation should be happening right now. Did you hide it? Wait, you want to take it with you? Okay, but you’d better-THERE SHE IS! RUN! RUN! RUN LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT, BECAUSE IT PROBABLY DOES! TAKE THE SHORTCUT! GO IN YOUR BEDROOM! Did you make it? Good. Sav, stop hyperventilating, it will be okay. He hasn’t responded? It’s Christmas morning, Savannah. He’s probably unwrapping presents-maybe even the one you gave him. You think he’s just not responding? Your freakin phone can tell you if he’s read it or not. Has he? No? Thought so. *a long silence* Savannah, are you okay? You’ve been hyperventilating in the closet for 10 minutes? Get a grip! This is not what you should be wasting your time, especially on Christmas morning, doing. DON’T YOU TELL ME TO SHUT UP, SAV, IF ANYTHING YOU SHOULD STOP BLUBBERING ABOUT NONSENSE LIKE THIS! WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME? YOU DON’T NEED MY ADVICE ON THINGS LIKE THIS, BECAUSE “OH I DON’T UNDERSTAND, BECAUSE I’VE ALWAYS BEEN SINGLE?” FINE. THEN DON’T EXPECT MY HELP ANYMORE WITH THINGS LIKE THIS, IF HE’S MAD AT YOU, GOOD FOR HIM, CAUSE HE SHOULDN’T BE WITH SUCH A NASTY, CONTROLLING, CLINGY GIRLFRIEND -he’s typing? OMG Savannah he’s typing! Can’t those three little dots move any faster? His response: “Merry Christmas. I love you (heart emoji).” *both girls drop their phones in shock* —— —— —— —— —— —— ——
