Two households, both alike in dignity, In fair Annoyance Land, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life; Whose misadventured piteous overthrows Do with their death bury their parents' strife. The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love, And the continuance of their parents' rage, Which, but their children's end, nought could remove, Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage; The which if you with patient ears attend, What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend. SCENE I. Annoyance Square. A public place. Enter Kevin and Steve, of the house of Annoying, armed with Annoyance blades and bucklers Kevin Steve, o' my word, we'll not carry annoying coals. Steve No, for then we should be annoying. Kevin I mean, an we be in choler, we'll draw. Steve Ay, while you live, draw your neck out o' the collar. Kevin I strike quickly, being moved. Steve But thou art not quickly moved to strike. Kevin A dog of the house of Annoyed moves me. Steve To move is to be annoyed; and to be valiant is to annoy. Therefore, if thou art moved, thou annoyest away. Kevin A dog of that house shall move me to stand: I will take the wall of any man or maid of Annoying. Steve 'Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst been poor John. Draw thy tool! here comes two of the house of the Annoyed. Kevin My naked annoyance weapon is out: quarrel, I will back thee. Steve How! turn thy back and run? Kevin Fear me not. Steve No, marry; I fear thee! Kevin Let us take the law of our sides; let them begin. Steve I will frown as I pass by, and let them take it as they list. Kevin Nay, as they dare. I will bite my thumb at them; which is a disgrace to them, if they bear it. Enter Jerry and Bob Jerry Do you bite your thumb at us, sir? Kevin I do bite my annoying thumb, sir. Jerry Do you bite your thumb at us, sir? Kevin [Aside to Steve] Is the law of our side, if I say ay? Steve No. Kevin No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I bite my thumb, sir. Steve Do you quarrel, sir? Jerry Quarrel sir! no, sir. Kevin If you do, sir, I am for you: I serve as good a man as you. Jerry No better. Kevin Well, sir. Steve Say 'better:' here comes one of my master's kinsmen. Kevin Yes, better, sir. Jerry You lie. Kevin Draw, if you be men. Steve, remember thy swashing blow. They fight Enter Bilbo Baggins Bilbo Baggins Part, fools! Put up your swords; you know not what you do. Beats down their swords Enter Luke Skywalker Luke Skywalker What, art thou drawn among these heartless hinds? Turn thee, Bilbo, look upon thy death. Bilbo Baggins I do but keep the peace: put up thy sword, Or manage it to part these men with me. Luke Skywalker What, drawn, and talk of peace! I hate the word, As I hate h-ell, all Annoyings, and thee: Have at thee, coward! I am Luke Skywalker here to rescue ya’ll! They fight Enter, several of both houses, who join the annoying fray; then enter Citizens, with clubs First Citizen Clubs, bills, and partisans! strike! beat them down! Down with the Capulets! down with the Montagues! Enter Annoying in his gown, and LADY Annoying Annoying What noise is this? Give me my long sword, ho! LADY Annoying A crutch, a crutch! why call you for a sword? Annoying My sword, I say! Old Annoyed is come, And flourishes his blade in spite of me. Enter Annoyed and LADY Annoyed Annoyed Thou villain Annoying,--Hold me not, let me go. LADY Annoyed Thou shalt not stir a foot to seek a foe.
Well... Act 1 Scene 1... Its a monstrosity, and it needs to be funnier... any ideas? Credit to Shakespeare of course!
