Heyo *hand wave* This might be a realllllly long set of paragraphs, so get comfy as I try my best to make it readable. So I know I have been away from posting regularly on this site for awhile and I want to get back into it. Not because I feel the obligation to do so, but because I still think it's fun and it's still something I'm proud of. Lately however, I feel like I don't exist on this profile / platform anymore. As in people only remember me when I "was" popular back on @Golden_Unicorn1 or that I'm just an older Gacha scratcher who hasn't left yet for some reason. It's starting to feel like my identity now. I miss being able to post something and a lot of people coming in and appreciating it within the first day. I miss having random people coming on my profile and telling me how much they like my content. I miss being chill, funny, and being overall not controversial. Heck, I even miss the hate comments because back then I knew they weren't true, I knew my self worth. Now I just feel tired, faded, and fake. I never told anyone these feelings because I was scared that I would sound like I'm begging to be famous again, that I'm "underappreciated", that I'm fishing for compliments, that I've hit my prime, that I will never get back what I once had, and now I'm whining about it. So, why all of a sudden do I say something now? I don't have forever on this platform since I'm a Junior this year, then I'll be a Senior, then I'll be gone... into the real world. I want to spend that time being here and enjoying it one last time. I really just want to feel like what I post now is meaningful in a sense that people like it when I post and that they can count on decent content. That I'm not forgotten... For those who have supported me through thick and thin, you know who you are. I see you. I see the constant support you send me, so thank you for keeping me around. I won't name names because of my poor memory and not wanting to offend anyone I lack to mention. Call me selfish, call me bitter, call me whatever you want, but these are the feelings I'm feeling and that is that. Side Note: I read through @Visforvandette 's post called "Connected" and wow, I'm scared I'm one of those people. (ahhh just realized the project isn't there anymore lol, so short summary of it is that the Gacha Community is full of fame seeking two sided people and its easy to find eveidence against people like that.) I'm being genuine when I say that because to be honest, I can't remember what I've said / done the past two years on this platform and I'm really hoping it wasn't anything harmful. The only thing that I feel like is true, is that I've been distant and kind of empty in my comments recently. Please for my conscience, tell me anything that I did to wrong anyone or anything. I don't want to sound like I'm trying to cover up my tracks or anything like that, I want to sound genuine. I want to leave this platform with hopefully no enemies and on a positive note. Thank you for bringing awareness on the matter to me and others. I didn't even know the community was that bad and I think that's because I'm still living in the past when it was a little better. I find myself often reminiscing about my old profile / content and my friends who have left scratch a long time ago. I feel like I put myself on an island for years and only looked towards the past instead of the present. I've left the community to the wind, instead of helping it grow in the right direction. I know I'm not a close friend or anything like that, but I've always watched your profile and taken to heart what you say. I'm sorry the community wasn't what you thought. I hope to maybe join you in improving it? I feel kinda weird for posting this on the same day as 's project but it gave me the confidence to speak my mind. So thank you again Michael (not sure if I'm allowed to call you that lol) Final Thoughts: So you've gotten this far? Thanks for that! :) Writing and talking about my feelings helps me in the long run for my mental health. It's something that I figured out over many years of testing methods. It helps the load on my back, not to disappear, but to be lightened to a point where I'm not being crushed and I can get through the hard times. Now an important question. Should I stay on this profile? OR grow a new one and have a fresh start? I'll know that you have read through most or all of my rant if you answer this question, and please tell me your opinion. :D It's important to me that the decision I make has support behind it! Thank you again for reading. Please spread the word to those who know me and still like me somewhat lol :')
