TW death, ableism, bullying. Elana she/her age nine Wants to be more boyish, Mum's fine with it Dad hates the idea which leads to lots of arguments, they break up, and Dad makes her stay with him and be "girly". Feels, lonely and sad. Elana She/her age early 10 as a protest against her dad, she chops her hair short. dad punishes her by stopping her from contacting her mum and making her look more "girly" than before to distract from her hair. Feels, miserable E she/her age late 10 her mum manages to get in contact with her and takes her away from her dad, now lives with her mum, gets her hair cut short and weres hoodies, shortens her name to E to sound less "girly" and meets a girl called Lea and they become best friends Feels joyful E she/her age early 11 thinks she may have overdone it with the short hair and clothes so grows her hair long and dyes it blonde weres prettier clothes, but quickly remembers just how much she hates it, and meets the new boy Josh who becomes her and Lea's friend, gets really confused because boy clothes and short hair doesn't feel quite right but prissy pink clothes don't ether, learns about autism at school, thinks she may be autistic. feels confused El she/her late 11 stops dyeing her hair, keeps it long but wears it up, goes back to wearing hoodies finds a nice balance between "girly" and completely "boyish", starts secondary school finds it too loud has to wear headphones to block out the noise, tells her mum she thinks she's autistic, mum starts trying to get a diagnosis, tells her friends, josh tells her he is autistic too but Lea dumps them both as she is horridly ableist. feels happy but also sad Elana she/her age early 12 Josh becomes home-ed she still sees him, but she's alone at school, with no one else to talk to she makes friends with the only group who don't bully her, but they say she has to be more "girly" if she wants to be friends with them so she does, but hates it, and changes back into normal clothes before she gets home so her mum doesn't notice anything, needs to get glasses but doesn't wear them at school because she doesn't want any more bullies, her eyesight gets worse. feels alone Sade she/her age late 12 Dad dies, feels like she should have spent more time with him even though he hated her, changes her name to Sade because it sounds like sad, blocks everything out until she can't feel things anymore, barely ever goes to school, meets a girl called Rowa who tries to cheer her up, but sade can't be cheered up, wears only dark clothes, doesn't talk much. feels nothing El she/her early 13 Is feeling better, and makes friends with Rowa who used to be Josh's friend too, learns karate, gets diagnosed as autistic, thinks she has a crush on Josh, has her ears pierced, and wears glasses. feels happy El she/her late 13 dyes her hair green, gets a special interest in frogs, tells Josh about her crush and he says yes so they start dating, and Mum buys her a frog. feels happy Ellie she/her early 14 still loves her frog but's getting interested in fungi as well, and completely dyes her hair, Josh and her go back to being friends, and changes her name to Ellie. feels amazing Ellie she/her late 14 really likes mushrooms, and gets a job in a cafe, stops dyeing her hair, and wears it in plats, becomes home-ed like Josh, but stays BFFs with Rowa. feels like her life is perfect. others Ellie's dad Ellies mum Ro/Rowa Ellie's BFF Josh Ellie's friend Lea old friend
