this time its art tho wooo just. vent about an abusive friend too much to explain but they've... screwed me up i don't really trust people anymore, and i think in a way my brain has made it almost impossible. i don't even realize it but my brain bars me from actually processing anyone else's issues. i have to actively make an effort to pay attention to and absorb what people are saying. and even then, most of the time i just feel apathy. i think i don't want to get attached to someone the way i was attached to them. i was there for every issue of theirs and they hurt me. i trusted them more than the friends i had known longer and they didnt care. they lied to me. about everything. shattered my worldview. if they could betray me then who's to say everyone else couldn't? why get attached if the same thing might just happen again? but i want to trust people. i want to be there for my friends. but its so hard when i cant feel an ounce of empathy for them because of what the old friend did to me. they ruined me. i will forever be soiled and its their fault. why can't they just have warned me. the worst part is knowing that now im gone i mean nothing to them. they get to twist me into the villain again and feel nothing for what they did to me. just wish things made sense.
irl friends even though yall dont ever get on here anymore, dont talk to me about it. /srs
