I have never wanted anything but for life to love me with as much passion and vivacity as I have loved it. If only I had indeed given it the affection I thought I did, perhaps it would've dealt me good karma with a fond hand and a soothing touch, the kind meant for a creation beloved by its creator. There was no warmth here. Not from my heart, whose beating had died away long ago, nor from the spectral figures surrounding me. I had avoided them for so long, vowing to myself by the time I faced them once more I would be what they needed me to be.. and here before them was the same pathetic Nimbusstar. Please forgive me. Forgive me for my failure, my motionlessness, my unworthiness. Forgive me for being selfish, forgive me for asking of this of you, please let me return. Don't confine me here just yet. I am beyond saving, I swear I understand that, but my most precious ones are not. Please let me warn them, let me protect them, let me love them just a little while longer and I'll go as you please. Don't let them walk blindly into a terrible fate as I did. I don't know if they heard me. If so, I don't know if they truly listened. Truly, it was silent - not even my ears rang with the solemn weight of it as they typically would. They seemed as deaf as I, the blurred and pale spirits. Perhaps I could make peace with that. Perhaps it would be more restful. Eyes closing, body growing heavy with dead weight and sinking to the depths of nothing - and a shallow, weak gasp for air suddenly protruding from the quiet. Though her eyelids had fallen slowly, they suddenly shot open with realization as a wheezing breath drew StarClan's cold air into her lungs through a windpipe that was no longer too crushed for use. It was an agonizing and slow pain, the repairing of her lungs - it was not a calming and tender process as Nimbusstar might've imagined it to be if she had ever. Bones were shifting in their tight space, aching as they mended together once more, windpipe straining as it resumed its shape before tragedy had struck. All throughout it, Nimbusstar sobbed and choked, growing louder and louder. Excruciating on one hand, but proof of efficiency on the other. What was it? Reward or punishment? Oh, the sonneteer couldn't tell - some sick combination of both, perhaps.. she would've taken it all back, let this be the end, if only it weren't for those tied to her in ShadowClan. Anyone who had looked to her with faith for a solution she couldn't provide. Those she'd made a home for in her clan and in her heart. He who she'd loved truly when she thought she could not. So she woke up once more. Against odds and reason, Nimbusstar woke up.
