Heya. So. I'd usually post a vent on my vent account, but- I.. want advice this time. I was diagnosed with autism yesterday. And I.. I don't know.. why it's made me feel this way. I feel.. detatched. I feel like.. I feel so much more alienated from other people than i did before. It makes no sense. Because for years, I've been awaiting a proper autism assessment. For 5 years, I've known that I might be, and probably am, autistic. But now that.. it's.. confirmed? I just.. it.. feels.. I can't. Explain how it feels. I just.. I'm scared, I guess. People hated me at school already. They already made fun of me. So what will they do if they find out? Will they give me the sappy sympathy that I have never in my life wanted? Will they start treating me like a decent human being? Or will it just get worse? It's weird, being.. 'confirmed different'. before.. i.. I just FELT different. Not that I KNOW I am.. Now that I... I got the results back yesterday. Today, all day in school, everything felt kind of fuzzy and empty. All I could really do was think 'how do they see me?' because now.. i.. know that they have.. a completely different perception of the world from me. I know that they're all different from me. their heads work different. And I can't. Do it properly. I feel so wrong in every way right now. Jesus, I'm crying now. I just.. i want to know how to make it feel.. less scary and different. I want to know how to feel better, please. Becuase.. today was just awful. I haven't felt anything compared to this since my depression a year ago. I don't want to feel like this all the time again.
