Okay, I'm not gonna post more on my main so I'm gonna dump my feelings here. first: online I'm Saeko, but offline I'm a completely different person, with the same personality, but just stupid me. I'm not smart, not sure why others in my class think that. I have people who look up to me here but at school, nobody pays attention to me. My friends don't like me, no one really does. I give so much to be their friend, but recently I've been so burnt out it's crazy. I mean, you'd only hear that in articles, right? Friend issues are one thing, because I like people but im so scared to get close to them. I always kinda mess up when im typing so when someone stops replying i start thinking about the stupidest stuff. I start to realize how bad of a state I'm living in once I stopped going online. I haven't cleaned my room properly in half a year. I don't care about what I wear anymore. My hair is matted down so badly. Even some people watch what they say around me, it's like I'm sort of pity object. Maybe that would even get me a bit of attention. I have such a bad mindset, my schedule's so messed up. Scratch was just some coping mechanism that I started getting good at. That's bad. Like, really bad. My grades are hanging at a 90. Ik some people say they wish they got 90's, but I'm almost dropping to 80's. Maybe I really turned crazy, stopping focusing on my studies or whatever. Yeah...yeah. I did some really bad things before, I won't even go into it. I regret it. I do. If I could apologize to them forever, I would, but I think they would just get sick of me more. I'm sorry for not liking this one approachable person. They once hurt me and only realized once I started crying. They don't care about me. But they care about other people, so that's great. I guess. I would go on and on about how they dismiss my feelings it's crazy. I have so much wrong with me that I think you'd get sick of me too. I have these headaches every few days, and nothing really works out except medicine (It's weird, I don't know either.) I get nauseous if I don't do something about it, and if the headache gets too strong I need to take 2 medicine pills, not one. I cry a lot. Like, that has to be the dumbest thing in the world. I cry for my mistakes. I cry for people I feel bad for. I cry for nothing sometimes. I cry for the people who didn't cry. I cry for comfort for myself. I cry in fights. I could make up so many different reasons to cry to it's crazzzyyy. That's it, right? No, but I'm going to end it here. I'm sorry for going through this and not telling you. You, the person who I think you know, or maybe you don't, but I love you. platonically haha... but it's been really, really fun. The family chat wasn't that active anymore. Sorry about that. I'm going to stop here. Thanks for reading here, I mean it.
