good enough? im not good en- ough-ough-ough. enough. very wise lyrics from my favorite song because every single line matches my life not exaggerating. this family drama is getting to my head, everyone who i thought loved me ended up using me for something in ever way even if it meant steeping so low as to kill me. i dont wanna talk him into apologizing. i dont wanna feel bad. he deserved it. she deserved it. im not apologizing. she always blames for something i dont do just bc i defend myself for it. i wanna scream n shout and tell her idk what going on but what makes me madder is that narsistic b in the corner smiling his evil smile while we fight. i should really do smth but i never thought i would be scared of my own little brother. theres this fear that genuinely stays inside of me bc i feel like one day he'll kill me. i cant sit with my family anymore bc smth like this always starts and i panic and feel like im going to throw up and go crazy. then i end up crying and falling asleep which makes me 100% sure that i cant ever talk to my family abt any of my problems bc of how much they lash out at me & it hurts so bad to feel unwanted. my relationships are messed up and no one feels like they can date bc i cant ever meet up w them or call. but what ppl dont know is that im not allowed to even be in my room. my mom is a absolute clean freak, my dad is basically a alcoholic, which means im not even allowed to go to the library. i have to sit in the living room with everyone else which i hate doing and they dont trust me and think i havent changed so im never allowed to use my computer and i technically dont have a phone anymore. no matter how many friends i make, they always dump me for someone else and then come back and i cant even be mad at them bc ik that they'll easily just leave me for someone else even after everything im so lonely n desperate that i dont even care if they push me away. ADHD is so bad i wish i could just be normal and learn normally like normal girls. i can never focus and have bad grades which my parents havent found yet but im still imagining the day they tell me that i have to pass with all A's whether it means i rip my hair out from stress or suffer the worst depression in history. i told myself 4 years ago that i hate toxic ppl and know they'll never come in my life. i guess im just sooo good at jixing myself because my life feels like a nightmare and idk my purpose or who i am. they tell me i have to be a SKINNY GIRL that loves pink but also doesnt wear makeup because she has natural skin even though my acne pops up in the worst places and im chubby. they tell me i act ghetto and dont want me around anybody. like excuse me? thats my personallity. i cant bare anyone calling me fat or thinking im fat bc its my biggest insecurity and they've said it straight to my face "respectfully" thanks a lot ygs! i feel so motivated and defintetly didnt buy that treadmill with my own money that i run on every day desperatly so you can keep your mouth shut! thanks you sooooo muchhhhh!!!! i wanna cry, everyones gone, everyone left. no ones the sameeee <3333 so basically a list of what i cant do. im not allowed to EVER -date -leave my house -LISTEN TO F ing MUSIC -i cant watch anything -i cant be sad or mad or "act ghetto" -defend myself -disagree -do bad in school -be fat or look under weather what im allowed to do: -eat -sleep -study -clean if you have it bad, someone has it worse. u better not come crying saying you hate your parents until youve lived under my roof. and if you do, youv'e been physically or S abused. but you know what no one talks about? mental abuse. i have all these scars that no one can see bc no one believes me. heres the lyrics bttttwwww <33 (skin by nimstarr) why you not playing fair? i did you wrong but did you really have to take it there? its hurting me, its aching this not something i can bare im tryna find you but im searching and i dont know where to i wanna rip out my hair you said you woudn't leave but i dont think you really cared its hurting me its aching this not something i can bear aint mean to hurt you baby you know i was unprepared to (love) stop right there ima show you how it goes ive been balling all year now they tryna take my flow (drown myself in medicine, its bound to bring me down) i think that im better baby if your not around ladies dancing they dont do no ranting ima beat, beat, beat it like im michael jackson and this always happens why they always acting? like im not the one not the one-o-o-one (good enough, im not good enou-u-ough) (good enough, im not good enou-u-ough) (good enough, im not good enou-u-ough) (good enough, im not good enou-u-ough) yeah no doy how many time u gotta say it. im sorry
