Why does everyone leave in my life? I'm scared that my great grandmother is next. For 2023 I lost my great grandfather and my uncle. For 2022 I lost my grandmother and the only chance I had to actually know her. I've lost so many friends on this site. Brainy was like the brother I always wanted. Everyone is too busy Everyone is moving on. Everyone has something to look forward to. I don't. I don't have money, I don't have video games, I don't have sports. I'm not pretty and I'm bullied for my face. I'm constantly rejected and I hate how I look. I'm constantly worried. I'm just some little girl with anxiety. I can't write, I can't sing, I can't play an instrument. In 2020 I made a promise. I was going to be the last one because I hate when people leave me and I could never do that to someone else. But being left still hurts a lot. God I wish my characters were real. I wish someone, anyone could give me a hug. I wish I wasn't crying right now. I wish I never cried and I wish I had an actual life and I wish I could just be a kid again. I haven't had time to myself in forever. I haven't been truly happy. And I definitely haven't been healthy. I really hate myself sometimes and I hate that I'm never good enough for people and I hate that I'm so selfish and messy and ugly and stupid. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to whoever is reading this and I'm sorry to my parents and my grandparents and my friends and my characters and most of all myself. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't be crying! People have it so much worse than I! Why am I crying? Why do I always fall apart whenever something bad happens? What's wrong with me? I'm a stupid scared little girl that's just not enough and I'm so pathetic.
If I do leave I think im going to just spiral downwards and I really think that if I lay down I'm not getting back up. That I can't get back up and once I let go of everything I'll just become this bleak pathetic /thing/
