I miss Her. I miss my wife. My Queen, my one and only. My love. My heart. /My soulmate/. I miss her so much. Life in the underworld wasn't a life. It wasn't for me. Not without Sarai. Jesse and Damon. Nicaise, Henriette, Little Lucien, Auntie Stella. Marina. Definitely not without Karmen. Life was never the same without him. Hell, I miss Scythe. I wonder what he would think of me now. Although, now I’m not a pomeranian as he once called me. …I’m pretty sure I’m still fluffy though. The afterlife wasn't something. Not without my family and if not my family then not without the love of my life. She was my everything and it hurt so much to be the one that died first. I tried my best to hold on. For her. I did everything in my power but I was a mere witch. Not even I could live forever. I suppose that’s why a witch and a vampiress weren’t meant to be. We truly lived and loved till death did us part. My wife was beautiful. Always so beautiful. Skin soft and a deathly pale shade like snow in a blizzard as it gently embraces you, eyes so sharp they cut the very moon in half. Eyes that could cut and shatter my heart. The most absurd pout that made you want to buy her anything she asked, or /do/ anything she asked of you. I loved her smiles, her pouts, her frowns, her eyerolls. I loved it all. Just thinking of her, just thinking of the sound of her voice makes my heart beat even now. Even as a lowly wolf-dog padding along the street in the storm. Jesse. My brother, my best friend, my second soulmate is out there. A few miles away. I know his scent, even as a witch he had a distinct scent and he’s still here. I need to reunite with him. I need to be there for him even if he can’t understand me and all I can say and do is bark and whine. My beautiful, glorious wife teased me about being a man without dignity. And I think she was right all those years ago. Now I’m just a dog. But I’m alive, aren’t I? I’m back from the dead, back from the underworld and the rain and scent of spring is in my lungs. I breathe. I see. I hear things. And I’m going to reunite with my brother and be there for him. My /Jesse/. When I found out I could be alive again I was overjoyed. When I found out my descendant, my direct descendant, was still alive I was amazed. The boy is my many great's- grandson. And I had the opportunity to guide and protect him. To not only take care of one person but two. I got to have meaning to my existence again and that was a blessing. Still, there was a price to pay for this gift of revival. I could not come back as a witch or human. I could not be humanoid. Instead, the form I was given was a large white wolfdog. Abnormally large but still- a dog. Four limbed, furry, with a large tail. And then side effects! The temptations and strange new desires. This form is humiliating but if I could go back I would still choose this. It’s so lonely only being able to think and I miss Sarai. I wish to feel the brush of her lips and to hear the sound of her voice. I want just one night of her and I. I don’t care where, I just want her. I miss her. I…need her, it feels like. My heart aches without her and sometimes Foster’s presence isn’t enough. That’s what the boy calls himself. He doesn’t know who he truly is. What he is, I mean. He is a Draexir, he carries my blood. Oh Sarai. What would you think of me now? Where were you? Why did death have to part us and why couldn’t we have reunited in the afterlife? I promise you, my love. I promise that I am going to take care of your little brother and that I will protect him until the very sun in our sky goes out. Life is going to be hard without you but I am going to fulfill my duty back on this earth. The rain begins to hit harder and my fur is plastered against me. Foster is sleeping in a nearby gas station. I left him because I wanted to think. My tail slinks lower and it’s in between my legs, much to my dismay. I’m about to leave and go back to Foster when I see her. A cat. A black cat. She’s small and pretty and I think to myself that Sarai would have loved her. I wonder how the cat is here. Why she’s out in the storm instead of hiding and hunting mice but I don’t let the questions stop me. There’s a beautiful black cat and she’s a reminder of my beautiful Sarai and I am glad to see her. Maybe I’m not as lonely as I thought.
Songs: Brazil - Declan McKenna Spirits - The Strumbellas
