~ ⚝ done & gone ⚝ ~

Instructions

tw: grim/slightly disturbing analogies, eyes, loud audio, venting, lotsa eyes/trypophobia warning im so done. im so sick of myself i crawl in my own skin. i try and make everyone happy, and i get ignored, pushed around, hurt, and treated like a little ragdoll for people to prey down upon. tie it to the back of your car and go on the freeway, thunk, thunk, thunk, --CRACK!!--, like a firework, and oh, no they're d34d. oh, well. "i'm not usually the type to hold a grudge, but... you've affected me." no. you cant look in the mirror and feel UGLY, BURNING hatred toward the person you see to the point where you avoid mirrors. you cant feel guilty and horrified and scared all at once everyday all the time and have to stuff it down because everyone tells you you're overdramatic and to shut up i'm done. i'm so done. but what can i do except cut everyone off in my life, family or not? they won't have a burden to deal with if he's distant from everyone else. i don't feel like myself. i'm not myself. i'm a disgusting thing to walk this earth. theres nothing i can do about it. except try to be a better person even though they all pretend i'm not an awful one, even though i try my guts out to make everyone feel loved. everyone but myself. i wanna say goodbye to mercury. burgundy. everyone else. because they dont deserve to have to deal with me. but i cant. cause i love em too much. i love all of you too much to do that. so i'm stuck in this halfway point of misunderstanding and pain. note, if you like and favorite this project i wont be offended. i'll take it as either sympathy, caring, or liking the art/code. nothing less. give what you take [and more], take what you give, [is none and all at once]. ... I'M SORRY I'M SO SO SO SORRY I'M SORRY [brotherly figure] I'M SO SORRY YOU DONT DESERVE TO DEAL WITH ME I SHOULD NEVER HAVE MET YOU EVER I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY!!!! I'M SO SORRY! IM SORRY [BEST FRIEND FOR MORE THAN HALF MY LIFE] IM SORRY FOR DISSAPOINTING YOU I DON'T KNOW WHAT IVE DONE PLEASE HELP ME IMPROVE IM SO SO SO SORRY [TWO BEST FRIENDS I MET ONLINE SOMEWHERE] IM SO SORRY IM USELESS TO YOU IM WEIRD AND AWKWARD AND DUMB IM SO SORRY [LARGE GROUP OF FRIENDS I LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING] I LET YOU DOWN I DONT DO ANYTHING RIGHT I'M A BURDEN I PESTER YOU ALL TOO MUCH [VERY CLOSE ONLINE FRIEND] IM SO SORRY FOR BOTHERING YOU EVERY DAY IM SORRY YOU FEEL OBLIGATED TO CHAT WITH ME OR SPEND TIME WITH ME [SIX EXTREMELY CLOSE FRIENDS FROM THE LARGE FRIEND GROUP THAT ARE A PART OF ME BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT THEM SO MUCH] IM SORRY IM WEIRD OR PUSHY OR CLINGY OR OBLIVIOUS IM SORRY [parents] IM SORRY IF IM EVER NOT GOOD ENOUGH AND FOR EVERYTHING IVE EVER DONE WRONG IM SORRY I KNOW YOU SAY IM DOING FINE BUT I FEEL LIKE IM NOT IM SO SORRY TO EVERYONE IM SO SORRY I'M A BURDEN I'LL [NEVER] APOLOGIZE TO MYSELF. AND IF I DID I WOULDN'T FORGIVE.