~The Flap of a Wing ~Ch 4~

Instructions

~Chapter Four~Bye Bye Butterfly~ “What took you so long?” “What do you mean? The bus just got here,” I tell my aunt, who hasn't bothered to look up from the TV. “Whatever. If you want to eat something then make it yourself, or go to your room and don't bother me. I'm busy.” “Okayyy, my friend might come over later because she-” “Oh shut your stupid mouth, do you ever stop talking? Ugh, you're just like your mom. This is why I never had kids.” “Really? I figured it was because no one would ever wanna have kids with you.” As usual, I have a pretty awesome comeback, but I would never say it any louder than a whisper. “So it's okay if she comes over?” I think I've finally found my aunts tipping point. She yells and yells, telling me it's no wonder my parents left. And I've now come close enough to see empty cans of beer by her feet. That's it for me. I've had enough of this stupid life, this stupid aunt, those stupid bullies. But deep down, I know it's not my life I hate. It's me. I hate this horrible girl with mental problems and no talents and I hate how scared I am, how dumb I am to ever believe someone would ever love me. I hate that I'm a mess, and I wish I was different. Brave, confident, smart. Someone who knows who she is, and is willing to fight for what she wants. And these terrible intrusive thoughts, and I'm just SO. FLIPPING. DONE. I know I need help. I know I have problems. But there's only one way I know how to end it. End the pain, the hurt. It's not like anyone would miss me anyway. There's a gvn in my room. I brought it from the basement, just in case. My uncle was a cop, or something. I take it outside because I don't want my brain being splattered on my aunt’s floor on my conscience. I put out to my hand, finger on the trigger, and my intention is to press it before I chicken out like I've chickened out of everything else. And then… “WHAT THE HELL?” I fall to the ground, but I'm alive. I think. “What- were you- what??!?” Hazel asks. She has me pinned to the ground and shoves the gvn away from me. “Were you actually going to… do that?” “I had it pointing to my head. What do you think?” Somehow, my voice is calm. It doesn't betray any of my fear and absolute terror. I do /not/ sound like someone who had a gvn to their head moments before. “Why?” I look at her. Then I sigh. Perfect Miss Hazel would never understand. “Because. Why does it matter to you anyway? Why do you care, when no one else does?” “I'm sure that's not true. What about your parents?” I look at her, surprised. Does she really not know? “They disappeared. I'm shocked you didn't catch that from all of Allison's taunts.” “Oh.” She's speechless, which makes sense. Is not everyday you realize you old friend's parents got wiped off the map. Then she says, “let's go to the library. I think we need a change of scenery, get your mind off things.” I'm too tired and confused to protest. I take her hand and stand up, and off we go. Next chapter: