hi.... jus a vent here rq.... you dont have to read this... but im not allowed to have therapy... so ima jus vent here bc I needa let out my feelings somewhere.. right??? so uhmm... my life has been a bit weird lately... this girl I used to be best friends with, (best friends with outside of the friend group I was in) she all the sudden decided to just.. pretty much turn on me.. she would try to humiliate me in front of all my friends, she would manipulate me, she would spread rumors about me, she would bully me. lets call her bella... So, bella turns on me as I said and since she did that, my other close and trustworthy (or so i thought) friends, lets call them harlow, riley and lily, have also acted more distant from me and closer to her. All my friends used to enjoy hanging out with eachother, and with me, and I enjoyed hanging out with them. Now, they don't even try to enjoy hanging out with me... They leave me out, they never invite me to anything and they kind of avoid me... its been getting pretty toxic, but more of a silent toxicity rather than an easy to spot one.. just before the spring break they started hanging out with bella a lot.... over the weekend right before spring break bella, harlow, lily and riley all went to a trampoline park and then slept over at bella's house, I wasn't invited... then, riley, bella and lily went to harlow's house. I wasn't invited. Today, harlow, bella, riley and lily all went bowling together. I wasn't invited. Whenever they call the group chat, If I join, they call a groupchat without me in it... I want to just let go of them, stop being friends with them, let go of the unfair and kind of toxic environment.. but I can't... there's a problem thats stopping me.. part of the problem is... i made a mistake.. I told bella and all of my friends in the friend group who my crush is which means, If i let go of them, they would get mad and can go tell everyone who i have a crush on, my crush's friends, who are kinda mean unlike my crush himself, would probably bully me for this and make me feel bad about it.... Another part of the problem is that bella, lily, harlow and riley are all really, really popular which means if I let go of them they will probably try to destroy my mental health as if they didn't already and then destroy my social status. I've tried making other new friends.... Didn't work. I don't know what to do anymore... its like my life is a paper and they're crumpling continuously. I constantly feel like I'm likely doing something wrong or that there's something wrong with me or that i'm not enough... But even when I do my best look over everything I'm doing and make sure I'm doing it right... there's still something that they don't seem to like about me or there's still something for them to bully me for... I've prayed and prayed to god but I still feel broken.... I want to give up... i want to let go of it all... but if I do it'll all come straight back to me and just be more painful.... if you've read until here... thank you... I'm glad someone actually cares enough about me or just has enough patience to read all of this... bless you <3
