My best friend about 6 months ago decided they don't want to be friends anymore, I was trying to become friends with another person at the same time and I took them for granted... I said that I was totally fine with it and that I didn't care. I did, and I do, I was just stressed out and unstable and blamed it on my friendships. I've regretted that every day since. I have dreams almost every night about us still being friends, my brain telling me that that's what they want, but really it's what I want. I can't seem to deal with it so I get myself as close as physically possible and can't help but stare, maybe I'm too obsessive... I just can't seem to let them go, I can't even remember them doing anything wrong. they're an amazing talented person who I love and care about with all my heart, the only reason it hurts so much is because I can't let them go. They meant more than anything to me, and then they left and replaced me, and I feel like I deserve it. I knew it was coming from the start, I just hoped they would be different. I don't blame them at all, I only blame myself. I just miss them. I have new friends, but I don't care about them in the same way, and I don't think they care about me in that way... I just want my old friend back, but I would never want them to feel forced into a friendship so I don't say anything... They matter so much more to me than I ever will. I would do anything for them and I'll always be there for them. Always. CJ, if you ever see this I hope that you know that I'm so sorry, and you were the best friend I could've ever asked for. ❤️ -M
