ok so u may all be wondering why i have left.. trust to be told i wouldnt have left if i hadnt broken yesterday quick heads up before we start this is about irl not online so when i talk about 'friends' i mean the irl ones in my friend group irl quick intro about everyone (age order!): serena-monkey nice silly (basically my comfort friend and the closest one considering shes in my class unlike most of the peeps in the friend group) carol-rudest heartless pretty much yet generous at the same time the main one megan-understand sometimes childish silly kinda cringe ngl (no offence) jordana-hardly spends time w/ us tw3rk3r (ik ik) yet in my class soo yea sofia-sensible only one who understands stops iva from k!ll!ng me ivanka-aggresive rude ngl weird in@ppr0pr!@t3 tina-cringe annoying 'mAmA' my walking to school partner me (yes im the youngest)-the 'mom' tortured and emo soo heres why im leaving now (finally) ive been sick of being laughed at and such yet i dont think they understand.. so carol.. i accepted her in the friend group 11 weeks ago and it did not turn out good. i met her in church last year and she seemed fine before some weird reason she started torturing me laughing at me yea u get it as u may know i went to camp recently w/ carol megan and tina and it did not turn out well u see carol persuaded megan and tina to team up against me and it did not turn out good ivanka was always torturing and laughing at me since the start so no suprise she joined carol too even serena joined and i met her at the start of the year and also accepted her to the friend group my only friends i have now are sofia and jordana jordana hardly makes contact w/ us so thats another down sofia has always been sensible so shes basically not on anyones side (tho i kinda think she might be taking mine) soo yea now whatever i do they think its ok to laugh at me they even sometimes do things to hurt me now they think im ok w/ it its all a joke but when i decline it they always never take things seriously carol doesnt care she makes 'everyone' think im fine w/ this but im not so coming to yesterday i broke cried at school ik i sound weak and i probably am but after all these months..weeks of being extremely idk how to say it but its not in a good way i broke in front of them and they seemed to realise how much all this is hurting me but like that worked :eye roll: they cared for me for those 5 minutes before acting like themselves again and guess what? carol was jst staring at me awkwardly and not making any gesture of apologizing or anything but at least ivanka's stopped after realising how tramatized i am rn..she understands.. serenas been better but the rest yea the same ik i may be asking too much but whats so hard about jst leaving someone alone? they dont get it and probably never will carols been stealing all my stuff too thinking its alr bcz shes my friend well its not for ur info bcz i find it annoyed and all that ive been scratched hurt all bcz i tried to claim my own belongings stupid right? ik it is but now i feel tramatized anxiety's creeping into me and this has never happened before not even when my friend jaylee (shes left thank goodness) bullied me in year 1 and 2 im straight up left broken rn the one of the only things that bring me joy is gone.. even sunny said so herself 'xanis gone' or in my case nilli...i miss her too much when i quit my old acc (which was ) she almodt quit bcz of me if i hadnt given her this acc name bcz i was foolish i thought i told her everything that i didnt worry abt it.. now ill quit bcz she isnt here anymore.. i cant keep living like this so after almost 5 years on st i quit ik this is a big decision but its mine and im not changing it ty for everything ilygsm and ill miss u all <3 i can still chat on disc if u want mine or bud or rblx but for now ill stay off dw ill still check in but after i finish del + lilli flowers map parts ill be gone for good, forever... adding from yesterday ily all sm and this will be hard for me and u guys i rly dont wanna hurt u all but itll be better if i stop being so addicted to st and getting my heart broken multiple times.. and to stop my journey on wearing glasses + multiple scoldings from both parents... but still recently ive been hearing random things that arent real and a bit of hallucinating... i feel like this is all effecting my health and i rly need to stop this.. i might take hadija's advice to tell someone but.. im afraid if i do itll put a stop to most friendships i have considering carol basically the secret main leader now... but rly ily all and im rly sry abt all this... ill never forget u all and the happy memories uve given me thats helped soothe a lot of times i was broken and told no one.. <3
