To be honest, my first thought when I read this was "This story is really not developed yet." But that's why I'm here! I'll run through the pros of the story, then address the rest in three main parts: Characters, Plot Antagonists Pros: Your story is unique, taking an environmental twist to the ordinary "experiment MC" route. I personally think that the "experiment escapes to the wild" is a little overused on scratch (speaking as someone with at least 2 stories of the genre), but I like the idea that he was kind of chasing after 01907B's body. I also like how you accurately showed how clueless B is to the real world. I think this story actually has a lot of potential, if you play it out right. Characters: Starting with B. I think of him as attached to those he knows, not wanting to have an unknown variable in his perfect circle. Since he was in a lab most of his life, though, I feel like he would be pretty naive. Maybe you could make his trust issues manifest later due to some event that occurs. You also mention in the prologue that he was the first experiment to have "intelligence". My idea for what this could mean is that his brain is like a human's: thinking beyond natural instinct, like how all a regular wolf would think of is hunting, killing, mating, etc. You also mention that the formula "seemed" complete. Maybe the formula actually wasn't complete, leading to issues with B's mind. You could show this as random fits of personality change, or other similar ways (more on this later.) Now for Mahogany. I'm a little confused about her personality. I do like the image of a feisty, clever, ambitious wolf with a sad past (her father's death). However, you mention that she is strictly independent, but also enjoys teaching others. This confused me because if she was as independent as you make her sound, she wouldn't see the point in helping others learn what they can learn on their own. But if she enjoyed teaching, then she'd understand that sometimes you need others' input. One way that you could solve this is by making her at first strictly independent, but then slowly learn the value of teaching. Other than that, she's a good character. Plot: As this story is not developed much yet, I'll explore three paths it could take. Path 1: B integrates into Mahogany's pack, learning how to be a true Red Wolf. But then a formerly unknown third party starts up with B and his new pack. The third party could be another wild pack, it could be a pack made up of lab wolves that the purplesuits created, or it could be something completely different (ex. purplesuits doing experiments on Mahogany's packmates, then releasing them as a new, genetically edited, possibly evil pack). This path could explore the problems of genetically edited animals in the wild. Path 2: B tries to integrate into the pack, but the pack isn't welcome to lab wolves. The pack may split up, causing a civil war between those who think B can be a real wild wolf, and those who think that lab wolves can never be a true wolf. This path would explore prejudices and nature v.s. nurture Path 3: My favorite path, in which B himself is the enemy. Due to the formula not being complete, it is causing problems in him and in his brain. These problems could manifest as delusions, hallucinations, angry fits, DID (look it up), sleepwalking, DID combined with sleepwalking, or times where he doesn't realize who is truly good and who isn't (etc.). This is also a good path if you decide to make Mahogany evil, as B's afflicted mind wouldn't realize. It may also contain B's quest to fix himself. This path would explore internal conflict and dangers of genetic editing. Antagonists: Now let's delve deeper into the antagonists of each path. Path 1: The other pack The first thing to consider is what is the pack's motivation to be evil. Is it a desire to extend borders? A hatred from interactions with B's pack? Is it due to the purplesuits' manipulation? Or, to change things up, is the other pack good, and is it really B's new pack that he realizes are the bad ones? Consider these. Path 2: Their is no clear antagonist for this path, but perhaps it could be that one packmate that has a prejudice against lab wolves due to some past trauma. Or it could be a prejudice among the pack that lab wolvesOr it could be a third party rising up against the split up pack, that B must defeat to prove his worth. Your choice. Path 3: I personally love this path for the fact that the antagonist is also the protagonist, B himself. There are a few ways you could play it out. You could make him start off good, then slowly become evil, you could give him DID and make it his other identity that's the enemy they're fighting, or you could make him a clueless pawn to Mahogany's manipulation (If you make her evil).
Cont. from above Of course, if none of these appeal to you, or if all of them do, you can combine the 3 paths into a 4th, unique one: After Mahogany's pack splits over the decision of B's joining, B must bring them back together to defeat a third party before the third party destroys the packs, all while facing his own internal conflict. Side Notes: -Red wolves are not as red as you may think -If the lab is making clones of an endangered species, they are probably cloning another species too. You can add this other species in the story, possibly. -DO YOUR RESEARCH! Even fantasy stories are better when research is done in the major themes (like mental disorders, red wolf pack order, genetic editing, etc.) -If you want a more fantasy-ish twist to your story, the title "Bloodred" can be used to imply something about a coming blood moon... (See Antagonists;Path 2) -For vocabulary, I find that a good thesaurus is always a good idea. Well, that's it! I hope this Critique and Advice was helpful, and please remember that I don't mean to offend anyone or anything, and that you are not required to follow any of my ideas.
